St. Andrew novena

DH and I have prayed the St. Andrew novena for the past couple years.  I know some IFers have conceived after praying it, and I still pray that it might happen for us and others who are still waiting, but even if we don't conceive, it has become one of my favorite prayers and a new family tradition.  (Family=DH+me)  :)

It goes from November 30 (the feast of St. Andrew) to Christmas.  The prayer to the right is prayed 15 times each day.  We usually pray all 15 prayers right before bed during our normal prayer time.  I've found it to be a wonderful way to quiet my mind and really reflect on the birth of Christ as we prepare to celebrate Christmas.  Even though it's a short prayer, I find myself focusing on a different phrase each day (like "in piercing cold"), which helps me imagine what it would have been like to be there.  As we prayed it tonight, it felt like something was missing.  Then I realized that since Advent hasn't started yet, we didn't have the Advent wreath lit.  Just one day to go!  I love praying by candlelight.

Last year I made a chaplet so I wouldn't have to count while we prayed.   (Did I count that last one?  I wasn't paying attention.  Hmmm, better pray an extra one just in case I miscounted...)  I figured one less distraction during prayer would be good, and I wanted an excuse to pull out my rosary-making supplies.  I don't get to use them very often.  If you'd like to make one, it's pretty easy to do. (I have no prior jewelry making experience...just taught myself from an online tutorial.)  And the supplies aren't too expensive.

I know it's hard sometimes to remember to pray novenas.  If I didn't have DH prompting me at bedtime with, "It's time to pray," I would probably forget.  I found a free app that gives you the option to set a daily reminder to pray a (nine-day) novena.  It's called "eVotions -Bl. John Paul II."  The reminder is to pray a novena to JPII, but I'm going to use it for any novena.  Yay for modern technology.  :)

From the girl who was afraid of needles

Guess what I did today?  Okay, you'll never guess.  I had my first acupuncture appointment.

A while ago I read about people trying acupuncture on the IF blogs.  It's always been in the back of my mind since then as something to consider.  I was in no rush though because it involves needles and even though I'm much better than I used to be, I still don't like them.  For years, if I wasn't lying down or reclining enough so I was essentially lying down during a blood draw, there was a good chance I would end up on the floor passed out or very close to it.  Now as long as I don't watch as my blood is taken, I'm fine (excluding one episode last year first thing in the morning on an empty stomach).  Anyway, I knew acupuncture was different and wasn't supposed to hurt, but voluntarily subjecting myself to multiple needle sticks wasn't at the top of my list.  And I've seen pictures where there are a gazillion needles sticking out of nearly every inch of someone's body, which looked a little scary to me.

I've read a little here and there about acupuncture.  I knew it could possibly help decrease inflammation, which my uterus is (or at least was, at the time of surgery in February) filled with.  I knew it could help with fertility in general.  And that was the extent of my knowledge.

So naturally I made an appointment.  :)  I reasoned that if there was any time when we could use all the help we can get to maximize our chances of pregnancy, it would be now, when it appears the infection is gone for the time being.  (No TEBB this cycle!  Antibiotics worked again!)  I do not know how long the antibiotics will continue to work before the bacteria develop resistance, so I thought we could take advantage of this time.  The timing also nicely coincided with a coupon I found for the local acupuncture clinic.  :)  And I found out our insurance partially covers (or appears to cover) acupuncture.  So, why not?

The acupuncturist is also a physician trained in western medicine, so it's kind of like getting the best of both worlds.  He took my medical history first.  He wasn't too happy that I was on Synthroid (T4 thyroid hormone) because it doesn't really fix the problem at the source.  I'm not surprised that he felt that way.  He implied that he wants to find out why I'm hypothyroid because he said I'm not a typical hypothyroid patient (not overweight, etc.).  He wants to see my last thyroid labs, and if they're too old, he wants new ones run.  He was a little hard to follow sometimes, but I didn't ask many questions.  I just mostly listened and answered his questions.

He tested the strength of a bunch of different muscles (arms, legs, neck, etc.), and I could tell some of them were weak because I couldn't resist the pressure he put on them with his hand.  Every time there was weakness, he said something to his assistant girl who was taking notes.  He pressed on different spots on my abdomen to see if it was painful (nothing was).  He also looked inside my mouth, but I don't know what he was looking for.  He told his assistant to write something down, but I didn't ask what it meant.  I was happy to just curiously observe everything.

After all that testing, he started with the needles.  The first one went in my left forearm.  It stung like a bee sting while it was in and that spot ached for an hour or so afterward.  The pain was really mild though.  The second one went somewhere to the right of my belly button.  I couldn't feel that one at all.  I don't know if there was a third needle because he wasn't announcing them as he did them, and I was lying flat on my back so I couldn't see anything.  He was asking me questions or talking about something else or moving my arms and legs around while he was poking me.  The needles stayed in for a little while--maybe a few minutes--but I wasn't watching the clock.  He later retested the strength in the muscles that were weak, and the one muscle that I thought was weakest was surprisingly much stronger and able to resist him pushing against it.  I was impressed.  I have no idea what happened, but the needles did something good.  :)  Obviously, for both hypothyroid and IF, there aren't instant happy results, so we'll see if the needles do more good things down the road.

The other sign that the needles already had some kind of effect was a sensation I had in my entire chest and abdomen.  It felt like the whole area was...more active.  It was subtle, but definitely different from anything I've felt before.  I would describe it as warmer or maybe tingly (but not as tingly as when your hand falls asleep and you're regaining sensation).  It was like blood flow suddenly increased everywhere in that region.  Dr. Acupuncture said the needles were helping to "wake things up."  That is certainly what it felt like.

I asked him if he times the treatment to certain parts of the menstrual cycle, and he said he does and asked where I was in my cycle.  I told him I was about a week before ovulation.  He said he wants me to come in again either tomorrow or Thursday, so maybe something he does will help improve ovulation.  Again, I'll take all the help I can get, especially because I didn't take Clomid this cycle.  I was taking it to boost ovulation a bit; I don't have any known ovulation problems (aside from low post-peak hormone levels).  I forgot to call in the refill until AF arrived, and even though there were refills left on the prescription and normally I would have had the Clomid in hand by CD3, the pharmacy needed an authorization from my insurance company that I could continue to take Clomid, which takes a while.  I didn't know about that extra step.  So no Clomid this cycle.  I don't mind it at all actually.  We'll see how my body does on its own plus acupuncture.

Before I went to the appointment, I did a quick search online for what Catholic teaching might say about acupuncture.  What I found on a Catholic apologetics website that I trust is what I expected to find--that acupuncture as a medical treatment is fine (i.e., not immoral) as long as the patient doesn't participate in any non-Christian spirituality.  There was no spirituality aspect to my appointment today at all.  It went just like a normal doctor appointment, except after the physical exam, there were a few needles sticking out of me.  That's how I had assumed it would go.  If there had been anything questionable on the spirituality side, I would not go back.  My next appointment is Thursday.  :)

I know this might all be a long shot, but all the more fitting to start this treatment on the feast day of St. Jude, patron of all things long shot.  :)

St. Jude, pray for us!

What's new

1.  Remember last cycle when I had a crazy high progesterone level on P+7?  I asked Dr. K what might cause that.  She said it was so high because I was taking an antibiotic and it cleared up the TEBB in that cycle.  Interesting.  (So my speculation about possible pregnancy was not the answer.)  I didn't realize the infection was affecting either the quality of my egg or the ability of my body to produce progesterone.  This infection has got to go.  Seriously.

2.  Since the last set of antibiotics eliminated my TEBB for a cycle, we're going to be taking them at the beginning of each new cycle from CD1 to CD10.  I hope they work.  I try not to think about what happens if they don't work.  I have this sinking feeling that we're getting close to the end of our treatment options.

3.  I had my worst mucus ever this cycle--just two days of peak-type mucus, and neither day was really that good.  I've been on low-dose Clomid for a while, and it's never affected my mucus this much.  It might have been my fault though.  I did accidentally forget to take the first dose on CD3, so I started on CD4, thinking it wouldn't make much difference if I was off by day.  Between that and the TEBB returning, I've never been more excited to start over with a brand new cycle.

4.  DH is back to giving me the HCG shots.  I had been self-administering them for a long time (2+ years), ever since DH was out of town during one post-peak phase.  I never became comfortable with doing them.  I would usually sit on the couch holding the filled syringe and make many (fake) attempts before I could actually bring myself to do the injection.  I think over time, it took me longer and longer to actually do the injection after filling the syringe.  One day this summer I had to do the injection before leaving for the airport.  I had a half hour before our ride was coming, and I just couldn't do the injection.  Our ride arrived, and I still hadn't done it.  Somehow I did manage to do it under the pressure of "We have to go now," but something about that situation stayed with me.  The next cycle, I sat there for a long time holding the syringe, and I just couldn't do it, so I asked DH if he would help.  It was such a relief when DH did the injection.  I didn't care that it hurt.  (If you do it right, it doesn't hurt.)  He has done all the injections since then.  I still prefer the physical pain over the anxiety from self-administering them.

5.  We have a new neighbor living upstairs.  Her parents have lived above us for a while, but she was just born a few weeks ago.  It hasn't been as difficult as I thought it would be.  Maybe you should ask me how I feel when AF arrives...  I've only heard her cry while I've been awake.  (DH said he has been woken up a couple times by her crying though.)  I see her almost daily because she is carried right in front of our living room window on the way to their car or if they go for a walk.  I think my brain goes into self-preservation mode whenever I see or hear her.  Instead of thinking, "Oh, there's the neighbor baby.  I wish I had a baby," my thought just stops after the matter-of-fact "Oh, there's the neighbor baby."

6.  I don't really daydream much about what it would be like to have our own baby.  The one big exception to that is when fall arrives.  Years ago friends of mine took the cutest pictures of their baby in the middle of a pumpkin patch.  Ever since then I have looked forward to the day when I can take our own baby to a pumpkin patch.  DH and I weren't planning to visit the local farm to buy a pumpkin this year like we did last year, so I thought I would be spared the reminder that we're still waiting on that dream.  Then yesterday a friend posted a picture of her baby next to some pumpkins.  I didn't cry, but it's just one of those little things that pierce my heart.

St. Jude novena

St. Jude is my patron saint this year, and his feast day is coming up on October 28.  I'm going to pray the novena below starting tomorrow and going through the 27th.  You are welcome to join me if you'd like or leave your intentions in the comments.  My intentions are for all those struggling with infertility or miscarriage and for DH to find a job.  I have a few special intentions also.

International Shrine of St. Jude in New Orleans

TEBB: 3, me: 2

The TEBB is back.  :(  These victories are short-lived around here.

For one beautiful month, the TEBB was gone thanks to the antibiotics.  In my cycle review e-mail earlier this week, the nurse said this was "great news" and used exclamation points in more than one sentence.  Plus my P+7 numbers were the highest they have ever been...by a lot.  I could tell they were excited for us and pretty much implied, "This is your best chance to conceive. Go! Go! Go!"

I was really surprised at my P+7 numbers.  My estradiol was 35 (goal is >12; my typical is around 17), and progesterone was 58 (goal is >13; my typical is around 32).  I've had isolated spikes both the month I started Clomid and the first month at a slightly higher Clomid dose, but this month beat all previous values.  Maybe my body noticed that the infection was (temporarily) gone and decided to do its best work?  Is the infection affecting more than just the (in)hospitality of my uterine environment?  And I'm going to go there...could I have been pregnant very briefly?  Obviously I'll never know, but those numbers make me wonder.  Progesterone of 58?  Seriously?

So...about the TEBB.  To say I'm disappointed that it's back is an understatement.  Tears were shed.  Worst-case scenarios played through my mind.  The world is ending, etc.  But!  Then I remembered in the e-mail the nurse wanted me to send an update on CD10 about TEBB vs. no TEBB.  To me that means they have some more tricks up their sleeves.  Otherwise if they have no more treatment ideas, why bother having me update on CD10?  So I'm curious what Dr. K will recommend.  Antibiotics for the first part of each cycle, perhaps?  I've heard of others being on an antibiotic CD1-CD10 each cycle.  We shall see.

Meanwhile, I'm trying to remember this...

(source)

IF memes

image courtesy of photostock / freedigitalphotos.net

More IF memes here.

Reflections on four years

So it's getting to be the end of the cycle, and I'm trying not to think too much about it or worry, but you all know how that goes...much easier said than done.  I haven’t had any post-peak symptoms that are different from any other previous cycle, just some breast tenderness which I almost always have.  PMS was super mild this month.  Sometimes it rears its ugly head a day or two before I start the HCG, but not this cycle, which was nice.  I took my waking temperature two days ago for my monthly T3 monitoring, and it was kind of low, so I estimated I was about two days from AF arriving.  Also two days ago I had my usual what I call “cloud of sadness.”  Fairly often 24-48 hours before AF starts I get this overwhelming feeling of sadness that I can’t shake.  I wasn’t even thinking about IF or AF or DH’s continued unemployment or anything sad; I was just going about my day and then like with a snap of the fingers I felt instant sadness.  I feel like I did most of my crying already in the last two days, so if/when AF comes, I might be all cried out. (if that’s possible)  ;)  Right now I sort of dread going to the bathroom because I just don’t want to know if AF has started.  I guess I still have hope because it’s not over until the fat lady (AF) sings.  I wouldn’t mind taking a three-day nap so I could wake up and find out what happens and bypass all this time of limbo that is doing nothing good for my sanity.  :)

I do think I could win an award for the most delusional in-hopes-of-pregnancy moment.  It happened five days after my good mucus started. (Normally this would be prime time for ovulation.)  Almost exactly 24 hours after writing an i on the chart, I developed a headache, upset stomach, and fatigue to the point of falling asleep on a chair in the living room.  I couldn't really explain what caused any of the three or especially why they all happened at the same time, so where does my mind go?  I must be pregnant, of course!  But then I thought it has to be impossible to have any symptoms that early...right?  I consulted Dr. Google.  Unfortunately I found anecdotes from women who had symptoms a day after conception.  My delusional thinking didn't need any more support, but I had found it.  Now looking back at my chart, since I had another week of good mucus after that day, the chances that I actually ovulated that early are pretty much nonexistent.  You'd think after TTC for this long, I'd have learned to be a bit more rational in my thinking.  Or maybe I'm in complete denial of how crazy I've become and I need to be locked up somewhere...  ;)

I've been thinking recently about how we've been TTC for four years.  When the actual "anniversary" happened earlier this summer, I didn't realize it had come (and gone) until weeks later.  It was sort of an afterthought, "Oh, we've been TTC for four years now.  Hmmm.  That's a long time."  That's quite a different reaction than I had to the first and second TTC anniversaries where I watched the date approach for weeks ahead of time and when the actual day arrived I moped around sad and depressed.  Maybe over time has come more acceptance that this is how it is for us, so the milestones don't play as significant a role anymore.  That's not to say that the grief isn't still there--it definitely is--but that the sad times where I'm dwelling on IF and what it means to not have children seem to occur less frequently.  If it's possible though, I think the pain has gotten deeper over time, either because each cycle compounds the pain from before or because the longer we go it seems the less likely we may ever conceive (ignoring the fact that medically we have our best chance now).  I still struggle with the weight of this cross, and I still ask God to remove it if it be His will.  I know this is my path to heaven, but the human side of me wishes things were different.  I trust God that He's looking out for me though.  :) 

It's still hit or miss when others announce a pregnancy if I'll be able to share in their joy or just want to go cry in a corner somewhere because it's a reminder of my own wounds.  A friend recently shared her pregnancy news with me, and I was 90% happy and 10% sad.  She was extremely sensitive in the way she shared it because she remembered what it was like to be on the receiving end of BFP news that was not her own.  It took them ten months to conceive, which may not sound like that long, but she had been given a diagnosis years ago which meant she might not be able to conceive and if she did, she'd be at very high risk of miscarriage.  I remember her wedding last year distinctly because she's the only person I know who included most of the saints who are considered patrons of infertility in the litany of saints sung during the wedding Mass.  Most are not included in typical litany lists, so they stuck out to me:  St. Anne & St. Joachim, St. Elizabeth & Zechariah, St. Gianna, St. Gerard, and St. Anthony.  It just broke my heart to hear them asking for their intercessions as they were beginning their marriage, so I'm not surprised that I was able to (mostly) rejoice with her.  I don't handle all pregnancy announcements that well.  I think a lot of it depends on where in the cycle I am and when the last announcement was.  I can handle one BFP every once in a while much better than three in a week.

And speaking of BFPs...

Remember earlier this year I saw a BFP license plate and then saw an AF one in the same week?  Lately I've been seeing AF license plates rather frequently.  It's like they are following me around or something.  I knew there was someone at our parish who had one, but this past Sunday, there was not one, not two, but three (three!!) AF license plates all parked in the same vicinity.  Two were parked next to each other.  Seriously, what are the chances??  I just rolled my eyes...


But then I came home to see this sitting on the floor: 

Just some random letters on the flap of a box...

So that made me feel a little better...  If this end-of-the-cycle limbo doesn't drive me certifiably crazy, these random messages just might.  ;)

Saturday update:  AF is here.

Ask the IFers

I mentioned in a previous post that I was disappointed that I wouldn't get to take advantage of the mucus-enhancing effects of the antibiotic ampicillin because I started taking it on peak day last cycle.  Well, it turns out that I didn't miss out on the mucus-enhancing effects.  I started having what looked like fertile mucus on CD6 this cycle, right when I was finishing up the ampicillin.  At first I thought, "Oh, maybe I'm ovulating early."  The good mucus continued almost every day until my peak day, which was CD17.  That's a long mucus cycle...too long actually.  (I already have pre-peak yellow stamps; this was just way out of the ordinary.)  So I'm hoping that all that extra good-looking mucus was the residual effects of the ampicillin and it doesn't mean I've developed a new problem with ovulation...

Anyway, having twelve days of good mucus is a lot when you're TTC.  It's easy to get burned out even with a regular length mucus cycle when you're trying to maximize your chances of pregnancy.  Now that everything is treated medically (and the fact that I'm on Clomid) it really would be best if we tried pretty hard to use the best mucus days.  But nothing says romantic more than, "Hey honey, I had 10KL today.  We should use today."  (Can you hear my sarcasm?  I promise you it's dripping.)  The last thing I want to do is use DH for his sperm.  (I have asked him multiple times over the past few years if he feels used, and good discussion followed.  Thankfully he's never felt used, but I do worry sometimes.)  I know I'm not the only one who struggles with this.

So I had a thought.  I wanted to share some strategies I've learned for how to get those i's* on the chart, and I wanted to ask for your suggestions and tips on the topic as well.

Then I had another thought...this would make a good series of posts.  Each post would be a different topic where we (me in the post and you in the comments) share our collective wisdom.  Okay, maybe this is already what happens with some blog posts, but now I'm going to group them together under a common heading.  :)  It might be a good reference to go back to later.  If you have ideas for topics, please tell me!  What things have you been dying to ask a group of IFers?  (anonymously, even)
 
And because a series needs a fun image...

The question of the day:  How do you manage to get an adequate frequency of acts of intercourse during the fertile days each cycle?

So here's what I've learned along the way...  I'm trying to keep these points as "generic" as possible because this is a very sensitive and personal issue.

First a note about how I word things.  With Creighton, we talk about choosing days for intercourse or "using" days.  That's what I mean below when I say "use a day."  We also talk about the i's written on the chart (i = intercourse that day).

1. The first piece of advice comes from the back of the Creighton chart:  "Abstain until good mucus is present."  This is especially recommended if there is a low sperm count, but I've found it helpful for any IF couple.  By abstaining for a certain number of days before the good mucus starts (for example, seven days or the entire pre-peak phase starting on CD1), it can build up some anticipation making it easier to use the fertile days (and more of them).  When you're using NFP to avoid a pregnancy, you'll hear about a mini "honeymoon phase" that supposedly happens on peak+4 in each cycle because it's the beginning of the infertile phase of the cycle.  So it's like that but at a different time of the cycle.  Personally, following this instruction has helped us a lot.

2.  Keep your husband updated during the day if you see good mucus.  Let him know as soon as possible after you observe it.  That way he has more time to mentally prepare.  If he has a stressful job, long hours, or comes home tired, he might want to know ahead of time (before he gets home from work) that he should save a little energy for later.  And it also means you're not springing, "I had 10KL today," on him when he's going to bed and is completely exhausted.  The plus side of using Creighton is that if an e-mail or text message of "10KL" is accidentally seen by a coworker, they won't have a clue what it means.  Or if you're at work and on the phone with him at lunch and you say, "Hey, it's 10KL today," the person overhearing you doesn't know what you're talking about.  (unless of course you work with other Creighton users...then you obviously need a different code)  :)

3.  Another piece of advice from the back of the Creighton chart:  "Use the days of best quality and quantity [of mucus] and the first two days after."  If you see mucus that fits that description, make an extra effort to use that day.  If you can use more than one day in a row, great.  If not, try to make it a goal to aim for every other day.  That takes the pressure off of both of you to use every good mucus day.  That "break" day in between can be really helpful...knowing that you get the night off, so to speak, ahead of time can relieve some stress that can build up over getting i's on the chart.  If there are cycles where you don't get to every other day, try not to beat yourself up too much.  (I've done that.)  Just try again next time.

A little story...  When I was first learning to be a Creighton practitioner, I had a supervisor review all my client cases.  I had an IF client.  Most cycles there was only one act of intercourse during the fertile time, and it wasn't often on one of the best mucus days.  My supervisor asked me if I had discussed the instruction on the back of the chart (about using the best quality/quantity mucus days) with the client.  I told her I had, but the client gave many excuses why they couldn't manage more than one i per (mucus) cycle.  My supervisor told me to ask the client, "How badly do you want to get pregnant?"  I told her I knew the answer would be, "We want it more than anything!"  The client had cried in front of me during a follow up because she was so frustrated that they weren't pregnant.  My supervisor told me to point out to the client, "Your actions don't match your desire.  If you tell me you really really really want to be pregnant, then your actions had better indicate that.  You need to work harder if you want to reach your goal of pregnancy--meaning you need to plan multiple acts of intercourse during the fertile time.  Waiting until the conditions are perfect and you're both well-rested and in the mood is not good enough.  You can't rely on spontaneity anymore.  You need to put in the effort."

What my supervisor said made sense.  She had many years of experience working with IF couples under her belt, so I knew the advice was trustworthy.  I am also pretty sure she had to personally use her own advice because she faced quite a few years of secondary infertility herself.

4.  Go on a date or do something romantic on the fertile days.  Turn off all the lights and eat dinner by candlelight.  Do something not in your normal routine to create a romantic atmosphere.  Show your husband you love him in his love language.  Ask him to do the same for you.  (Are you familiar with the five love languages?)  If he appreciates acts of service, do a chore for him you know he hates doing.  If he likes gifts, get him something.  If he likes quality time, carve out part of the evening to do something together or just sit on the couch and talk.  Start as early in the day as possible with these gestures if you can. 

If you need more ideas, google "Moxie Wife."  It's a Catholic blog, and she often has ideas to spice up marriage and increase the romance.

5.  Use different times of the day.  Ask your husband what time of day he prefers.  Tell him what you prefer.  Sometimes switching up what time you use (morning vs. afternoon/dinner time vs. bedtime) can help, either because it's different from your usual routine or because it's a more preferred time of day.  I remember one client I had where the wife worked a night shift and the husband worked first shift.  They just couldn't find the time where they were both awake and not exhausted.  I asked the husband if it would be okay if his wife woke him up when she got home (in the middle of the night).  He said he had never thought about it, but was open to the idea.  It ended up working well for them.

6.  Minimize or eliminate obstacles.  What are your "excuses" for not having more i's on the chart?  Identify them and see if you can overcome them.  If it's related to being too busy, can you keep your schedule clear during the fertile time?  If it's related to being too tired, can you try to go to bed earlier?  If there's other stress in your life, figure out how to reduce it or manage it better.

7.  I went back and forth on this one--should I include it or not?  Is it too scandalous?  Tell me if it is and I'll delete it.  I think it's helpful advice though...

For those days you know you really should try to use...

This piece of advice is from a very perceptive friend of mine when she was engaged (and chaste).  We were talking about IF and NaPro.  (She was very familiar with CrMS and NaPro since she charted and had surgery for endo prior to this conversation.)  She paused for a moment and then out of the blue said, "It must be hard sometimes to use the best days, especially if you're being treated with NaPro and you know you really should but you might not be in the mood."  I nodded in agreement.  Unprompted, she continued, "I guess on those days you just have to completely focus on your husband and do everything that pleases him.  Like you have to try to be really unselfish and focus all your attention on him."  I'm pretty sure she had read "Love and Responsibility" by Pope John Paul II before he was pope, so I think that helped her come to that conclusion.  I'm still impressed that she said that.  I think she's absolutely right.

8.  If the stress of TTC is getting to be too much, consider and pray about taking a break for a cycle or more.  When you're taking meds for TTC, especially those to induce ovulation or that are expensive, it's best to discuss this before taking those meds for the cycle.  I take my Clomid on CD3, so if we were going to take a break for a cycle, we would want to decide that before CD3, not on the first good mucus day on CD11.  If you're not on those kinds of meds, then you could make a decision to take a break closer to when the fertile time begins.


Okay, your turn.  What's your best advice?  I'm ready to soak up your wisdom.  :)





*In case the misplacement of apostrophes drives you up the wall too, I learned that it's correct to write the plural of a lowercase letter with an apostrophe, at least according to a certain major manual of style.  When you're trying to write the plural of i you also need the apostrophe to prevent ambiguity..." 'is' on the chart" just doesn't work when I mean more than one i.

The saints on suffering 2

Whoever does not carry his own cross and come after me cannot be my disciple.  ~Luke 14:27

Those words were a challenge to hear this morning during the Gospel.  Even though I've been IF for years, I still sometimes wonder what "carrying this cross" really looks like.  I thought a little wisdom from the saints might shed some light on things.  I compiled quotes from the saints that I found to be helpful and encouraging.  I found some nice images too.  The previous list of quotes I gathered is here.

"The more we are afflicted in this world, the greater is our assurance in the next; the more sorrow in the present, the greater will be our joy in the future."  ~St. Isadore of Seville

"We ought to be persuaded that what God refuses to our prayer, He grants to our salvation."
~St. Augustine

"Let us understand that God is a physician, and that suffering is a medicine for salvation, not a punishment for damnation."  ~St. Augustine

"The everlasting God has in His wisdom foreseen from eternity the cross that He now presents to you as a gift from His inmost heart. This cross He now sends you He has considered with His all-knowing eyes, understood with His divine mind, tested with His wise justice, warmed with loving arms and weighed with His own hands to see that it be not one inch too large and not one ounce too heavy for you. He has blessed it with His holy Name, anointed it with His consolation, taken one last glance at you and your courage, and then sent it to you from heaven, a special greeting from God to you, an alms of the all-merciful love of God."  ~St. Francis de Sales

"Through the cross we are united to Him who was nailed to it, our heavenly spouse. Every instant of our lives must be accepted as favor, with all that it brings of happiness and suffering. But we must accept the cross with more gratitude than anything else. Our crosses detach us from earth and therefore draw us closer to God."  ~Bl. Charles de Foucauld

"If you really want to love Jesus, first learn to suffer, because suffering teaches you to love."
~St. Gemma Galgani

"Let us fix our eyes on the crucifix in every difficult moment, and that gaze will renew our courage."
~St. Madeleine Sophie Barat

"Melancholy is the poison of devotion. When one is in tribulation, it is necessary to be more happy and more joyful because one is nearer to God."
~St. Clare of Assisi

"Love that cannot suffer is not worthy of that name."  ~St. Clare of Assisi

  

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"In a time of desolation, never forsake the good resolutions you made in better times. Strive to remain patient—a virtue contrary to the troubles that harass you—and remember that you will be consoled." ~St. Ignatius of Loyola

"It is by means of trials that God binds to Him the souls he loves."  ~St. Padre Pio

"In this life Jesus does not ask you to carry the heavy cross with Him, but a small piece of His cross, a piece that consists of human suffering."  ~St. Padre Pio

"The life of a Christian is nothing but a perpetual struggle against self; there is no flowering of the soul to the beauty of its perfection except at the price of pain." ~St. Padre Pio

"Would that mortal men might know how wonderful is divine grace, how beautiful, how precious; what riches are hidden therein, what treasures, what joys, what delights. If they but knew, surely they would direct their energy with all care and diligence to procuring sufferings and afflictions for themselves. Instead of good fortune all men everywhere would seek out troubles, illness and suffering that they might obtain the inestimable treasure of grace. This is the final profit to be gained from patient endurance. No one would complain about the cross or about hardships coming seemingly by chance upon him, if he realized in what balance they are weighed before being distributed to men." ~St. Rose of Lima

"Without the burden of afflictions it is impossible to reach the height of grace. The gift of grace increases as the struggle increases."  ~St. Rose of Lima

"Apart from the cross, there is no other ladder by which we can get to heaven."  ~St. Rose of Lima

"Tribulation is a gift from God; one that He especially gives His special friends."  ~St. Thomas More

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"He did not say you would not be troubled, you would not be tempted, you would not be distressed, but He did say you would not be overcome."  ~St. Jose Maria Escriva

 

"Pain and suffering have come into your life, but remember pain, sorrow, suffering are but the kiss of Jesus—a sign that you have come so close to Him that He can kiss you."  ~Bl. Mother Teresa

"Suffering is a gift, though like all gifts, it depends on how we receive it. That is why we need a pure heart, to see the hand of God, to feel the hand of God, to recognize the gift of God in our suffering." ~Bl. Mother Teresa

"Ah, how consoling for a Christian is the blessed thought that God sees him, that God witnesses his sorrow and his troubles, that God is by his side! Ah, what is still better, that God presses him tenderly to His heart!"  ~St. John Vianney

"If accepted with love, suffering can be a privileged path to sanctity."  ~St. John Paul II

And here are two from not (yet?) saints but wise words I wanted to include...

"Sometimes my worst day—one filled with pain and suffering—in the eyes of God, is my best day if I've born it cheerfully and I've born it with love."  ~Mother Angelica

"You who say in silence: 'Jesus, I trust in you' teach us that there is no faith more profound, no hope more alive and no love more ardent than the faith, hope and love of a person who in the midst of suffering places himself securely in God’s hands.”  ~Pope Benedict XVI in a visit with the sick on May 27, 2006

I didn't marry your uterus and other quotes

Here are some funny or cute things DH has said...


This was CD2 and it also was the day after taking naltrexone for first time in a week and a half.

DH:  You're in a good mood today.  You're maybe a little loopy even.
Me:  I took my naltrexone last night.  Oh, it also could be that my blog readers are praying for me extra.  I wrote on my blog yesterday that I was sad.
DH:  You should tell them to calm down their prayers.

While planning for a weekend trip involving a drive of several hours...

DH:  Don't forget to pack your naltrexone.  If you forget, I will send you home to get it.  By yourself.

Me:  I'm sorry I can't give you a child.
DH:  I did not marry your uterus.  I married you.

Talking about DH's sister-in-law who recently had a baby...

DH:  I wouldn't be surprised if she's pregnant again soon.  She's younger than you.  You know, these are her most fertile years.
Me: (pouts and hangs head in sadness)
DH:  That's okay.  Your fertile years are coming.
Me:  (raised eyebrows)
DH:  It's okay.  I'm going to be an old dad.  Abraham was an old dad.

DH is going to the grocery store...

DH:  Do want anything?  And don't say babies because I can't buy you babies.

After picking up an expensive antibiotic...

DH:  $100?!?  That's gold-coated medicine.
Me:  Really.  So there's gold on there?
DH:  No.  It's probably platinum.