End-of-the-cycle limbo

You know how when you get to the end of your cycle, especially the day your period is due because it came that day for the past five cycles like clockwork, and you just wish AF would hurry up and start already so you can get it over with?  But there's a tiny irrational voice in your head that says there could be a glimmer of hope because, well, just because. It's irrational so it doesn't need to provide a reason. "Just because" is perfectly legitimate.  But you suppress that voice because you have zero early pregnancy symptoms, and you just KNOW that AF is coming because it always came before, and no amount of hoping this late in the game is going to mean a baby is growing in your uterus.  And you think there's really nothing different or special about this cycle except for about two weeks' worth of the new drug Cortef but that couldn't possibly have an effect yet, and you note the eight days of TEBB this cycle would preclude any chance of pregnancy because normal charts don't have TEBB, let alone eight days of it. But then you look back on the past couple days and realize you maybe were more tired than usual, so the hopeful voice says, "See?  I'm not so irrational." But you explain the fatigue away because you didn't get a good night's sleep or two.  And every time you go to the bathroom—which is more often than usual because you make excuses that you need to go again even though it's only been an hour since last time—you tell yourself, "There will be red," but then stare in disbelief at the white toilet paper as if your mind is playing tricks on you, because how could it possibly still be white this late in the day?  And you try to go back to your normal daily activities, all the while wondering if this could be THE cycle, but with the constant thought, "I'mnotgonnathinkaboutit.  I'mnotgonnathinkaboutit."  And you sigh because even if AF doesn't come today, you're going to feel the exact same way tomorrow—only with stronger feelings:  more impatience with AF's delay and simultaneously more hope.  And because you took HCG this cycle, nothing can be known definitively for 2-3 more days, which might as well be an eternity.  So you are doomed to this mental state until such time as AF decides to show up so you can start crying your eyes out...or until the mythical day comes when you could take your first ever pregnancy test (blood test, of course, due to the HCG).

That's where I'm at.

St. Perpetua and St. Felicity, pray for us!

(I thought maybe by posting this it would make AF come, similar to the phenomenon that some IFers experience in that taking a HPT speeds up AF's arrival time.)

UPDATE:  AF is here.