Novena to St. Gianna

Painting of St. Gianna at the
Shrine of Lady of Guadalupe
in La Crosse, WI

St. Gianna's feast day is coming up on April 28th.  She is a much-beloved patron saint of infertility.  The miracle which led to her canonization happened to a woman who was 16 weeks pregnant.  Her placenta tore, and the amniotic fluid drained out.  The doctors said the baby had no chance of survival.  Through the intercession of St. Gianna, the baby was born healthy.  The mother named the little girl Gianna.  (She turns 13 next month.)

I'm going to pray a novena to St. Gianna for all those waiting to hold children of their own in their arms.  I'll be praying for all the lovely ladies who have IF blogs (that I know of), a few IRL acquaintances and clients, everyone in the FB group, and anyone who reads my blog.  If you don't have a blog (or if you do) and you'd like me to pray for you by name, please leave your name and any information about yourself you'd like to share in the comments.  Or you can e-mail me; see the e-mail tab above.  While many of you are praying for me this month for Adopt-A-Blogger, I would like to pray for all of you.

The novena is below.  It starts on Friday, April 19 and ends on April 27.

(Interesting random fact of the day:  Did you know that the number nine is the number of imperfection (ten is perfect), so it's fitting that a novena lasts nine days because it is "man's imperfection turned in prayer to God?"  St. Jerome said, "The number nine in Holy Writ is indicative of suffering and grief."  source    I didn't know that before today.)

Novena To Obtain Graces Through Saint Gianna Beretta Molla

God, our Father, You have granted to Your church the gift of Gianna Beretta Molla. In her youth she lovingly sought You and drew other young people to You, involving them, through apostolic witness and Catholic Action, in the care of the sick and aged, to help and comfort them.

We thank You for the gift of this young woman, so deeply committed to You. Through her example grant us the grace to consecrate our lives to Your service, for the joy of our brothers and sisters.

Glory be …

Jesus, Redeemer of mankind, You called Saint Gianna to exercise the medical profession as a mission for the comfort of bodies and souls. In her suffering fellow men and in the little ones, deprived of all support, she saw You.

We thank You for having revealed Yourself to this servant as “one who serves” and who soothes the sufferings of men. Treasuring her example may we become generous Christians at the service of our brothers and sisters, especially those with whom You deign to share Your Cross.

Glory be…

God, Sanctifying Spirit, who love the Church as Your Bride, You poured into the heart of Saint Gianna a share of Your Love so that she could radiate it in her family, and thus cooperate with You in the wonderful plan of creation, and give life to new children who could know and love You.

We thank You for this model wife and, through her encouraging witness, we beg You to grant to our families the serene and Christian presence of mothers committed to transform their homes into cenacles of faith and love, rich with generous activity and sanctifying service.

Glory be…

O God, Creator and lover of mankind, You were close to Saint Gianna when, affected by illness, she was in the painful dilemma of choosing between her own life and the life of the child whom she was carrying in herself, a gift long-awaited. Trusting You alone, and aware of Your Commandment to respect human life, Gianna found the courage to do her duty as a mother and to say “yes” to the new life of her baby, generously sacrificing her own. Through the intercession of Mary, Mother of Jesus, and after the example of Gianna, inspire all mothers to welcome with love the sparkle of new life. Grant us the grace we are praying for …………. and the joy to find an inspiration in Saint Gianna who, as a model spouse and mother, after the example of Christ, gave up her life for the life of others.

Hail Mary…

Back to the regular program

I'm calling my first full cycle after surgery my mulligan cycle. I'm going to ignore that it happened. I can do that, right? ;) I'm blaming the craziness on the fact that my body was recovering from minor major surgery and didn't know which end was up. It turned out to be super short, just 20 days long. The post-peak phase (PPP) was only 9 days and ended with four days of premenstrual spotting, which I never have. My PPP without HCG is normally 12-13 days, so this was unusual. I didn't do a P+7 blood draw because we weren't TTC, but if I had, my progesterone would have probably been abysmal. I thought the doctor's order to avoid during that cycle was just so my body could heal physically, but it appears I needed time to heal hormonally too. I hope my body got all this nonsense out of its system and is ready to get back on track.

Thankfully this cycle does seem like I am back to normal. I only had moderate pain on and off for a few hours on CD1, a big improvement from last cycle. Hopefully the pain will continue to decrease over time. After my surgery two years ago, my periods were completely pain free, so I know it's possible. I had a good mucus build-up, and I didn't even take any mucus enhancers to offset the potential drying effect of Clomid. I'm feeling maxed out with the number of pills I swallow everyday, so something had to give (the B6 and Mucinex). My peak day was also back where it belongs (CD15).

My old nemesis TEBB is still hanging around though. DH and I started taking a three-week course of Flagyl about a week before this cycle started, so I don't know whether there was even a chance of it affecting the TEBB this cycle with that timing. Although Flagyl is supposed to be effective at killing the type of bacteria that has invaded my uterus, I'm not holding my breath that it will work because it didn't eliminate the TEBB when we took it in the past. I suppose another theory is that last June when the IV antibiotics successfully knocked out the TEBB, a new and different bacteria took up residence which might be susceptible to the Flagyl? Maybe? I'm probably grasping at straws here. :)

Boy am I glad to be done with the Flagyl. The last time I took it I spent some quality time on my knees in the bathroom because I couldn't keep food down. At that time I was on a different medication which was likely interfering with the Flagyl, so I thought this time would be better and uneventful. While this time was better, it was a tough three weeks. Even taking the Flagyl with a meal (which was supposed to help), I still had a near-constant stomach ache, almost like nausea. My appetite was close to zero, mostly because my stomach hurt, but partially because of the metallic taste in my mouth. I would not be surprised if I lost weight (and I don't have weight to lose). With three days left--the end was in sight!--I found myself kneeling on the bathroom floor again. At least it was just one night. About a day after I took my last Flagyl my appetite came back in full force. I felt like I hadn't eaten in weeks. I don't think I made up completely for the previous three weeks, but I definitely made a dent in the calories I was missing. :)

This might be as close as I get

...to a BFP.  I saw this driving around yesterday.

Really?  Is this a sign?  A joke?  A random coincidence?  Oh, if only it could be true for me.

I'm early post-peak now, so it's too soon to know anything about this cycle.

                                                                         .  .  .

Tuesday update:  Tonight I was behind a car whose license plate started with AF (it was AFF-###).  I'm really not sure what to make of these license plate signs.  They really need to be more consistent.  All these mixed messages are messing with my head.  ;)

Adopt a blogger

(my apologies for the delay of this post...Blogger's scheduling feature is not foolproof apparently...)  :)

If you're new to my blog, welcome!  TCIE has kindly chosen me to be the adopted blogger for April.

When my DH and I were first married, I dreamed of a large family (8-10 kids).  Since then my dreams have faded and have been replaced by tears.  We do enjoy our life as two, but we long to share it with children.  

We've been TTC for almost 4 years.  I've had surgery twice to remove endometriosis, and I'm 99.5% recovered from the more recent surgery in February.  I'm on many medications and supplements to treat my various deficiencies (see the right sidebar for a current list).  Surgery resets our TTC clock back to zero, but we still have yet to fix another ongoing problem (brown bleeding or TEBB).  This cycle is our first time TTC since surgery.

We haven't pursued adoption yet, but it is on our minds.  If we do decide to go down that road, it would likely not be before the end of this year.

My patron saint for 2013 is St. Jude the Apostle.  When his name appeared on the saints generator, at first I didn't know if I should laugh or cry.  He is known for being the patron saint of hopeless or lost causes.  With my current state of fertility (or lack thereof), I am glad to have such a strong intercessor praying for me.  I've also been asking him to pray for my DH to find a good job this year, which isn't a hopeless case, but will be difficult given how few openings are available in his area.

Thank you in advance for your prayers or other offerings you may make for my DH and me.  I'm so grateful to all of you!




P.S.  If you haven't started already, I hope you'll join me in praying the Divine Mercy Novena.  The Feast of Divine Mercy is one of my favorite days of the whole year.  If you're fortunate, a parish near you may have a special service this Sunday afternoon at 3 p.m.

Stations and IF

I wrote reflections on a few of the Stations of the Cross.  The text in italics is from a booklet used at our parish (author unknown).

Station 7:  Jesus falls the second time

Jesus, our brother, you must have been discouraged by your second fall. We too, know discouragement. Our best efforts end in failure. Those we love, do not seem to love us. Regardless of our efforts, life does not bring peace. What shall we do? We will imitate your example and try again, even in the face of futility.

How many times do I fall because of IF?  Doubt, despair, envy, pride...the list goes on.  It's discouraging enough to fall once, but when it happens multiple times, it gets harder to want to get up again.  Every new pregnancy announcement around me is a new chance to stumble.  I should be able to handle each one gracefully by now—I've had plenty of opportunities to practice this—yet still I fall into envy.  But if Jesus can get up again while still under the weight of the Cross, so will I try harder next time.

~*~

Station 8:  Jesus meets the women of Jerusalem

"Weep not for me, but for you and for your children."  ~Luke 23:28

Jesus, our brother, in the midst of your sufferings you had compassion for others and their pain. We are often so self-centered.  We do not see the suffering of others.  We want pity, kindness, and understanding.  We are willing to give so little in return.  Help us forget ourselves.  Awaken us to the pain in the lives of others.

How often with IF do I look inward and only see my own pain?  It's so easy to slip into thinking that my suffering is worse than everyone else's around me; others can't possibly be hurting as much as I am.  The challenge is to acknowledge the pain in someone else and respond in love, even when it's hard, like listening to a friend complain about how little sleep she's getting because she has a newborn.  I thought I was doing well by biting my tongue—I would gladly get no sleep if it meant I had a baby, and I was itching to tell my friend that—but maybe imitating Christ would mean going a step further and showing her some understanding while forgetting my pain for a second.

~*~

Station 13: Jesus is taken down from the cross

Jesus, our brother, you are laid in the arms of your mother. The agony is over. But the resurrection is not yet.  Your Father's plan requires patience. So it is with us. We reach moments when only patience can carry us on. We know that something better will come. But when? Help us share your patience and the patience of your mother.

We know the ending—Jesus triumphs.  But that doesn't mean our life looks like Easter all the time.  Much of IF looks like Good Friday.  We've been TTC for so long.  How many cycles will it take to conceive?  Will we conceive ever?  How long will we have the cross of childlessness?  Will it be life-long?  Patience is so important in learning to accept this cross.  I have to trust God that his plans for me are for my ultimate good, even if it doesn't look like what I had in mind.

Post-surgery outlook

I'm in the middle of my first new cycle since surgery.  I'm kind of glad that we're avoiding this cycle--I'm not sure my body knows what it's doing.  First there was a "peak day" on day 11, which is quite early for me.  The mucus buildup was six days, a normal length, but it wasn't great quality.  So I thought, okay, short cycles happen.  I've never had one, but I suppose there's a first time for everything.  Now I'm a few days past where I normally peak, and I've had three days of spotting.  I'm waiting for either a double peak, which would make this my longest cycle ever, or for my period to come soon, which would make this my shortest cycle ever.  It's all rather bizarre.  On the plus side, I only had four days of TEBB this cycle, so that's a mild improvement from pre-surgery cycles.

Dr. K prescribed Flagyl for DH and me.  We've both taken it before, and it didn't help the TEBB.  I was about to call and ask why we should take it again, but I decided to just take it because it is supposed to be good for treating the bacteria I have (Gram positive rods).  At this point I'm ready to go down the list of reasonable antibiotics that work against Gram positive rods until I'm pregnant or we exhaust the list.  I'm all cleaned out inside (endo, adhesion, and fibroid-wise) so this may be the best chance we've had to conceive, and I want to make the most of this time.  DH still doesn't want to do an IV so that's not on the table at this point.

I'm also trying to eliminate sugar from my diet.  Dr. K had recommended that several months ago, but I dragged my feet starting it because I didn't think I could do it right before Thanksgiving and Christmas.  (I first started eating gluten-free and dairy-free the week before Thanksgiving that year, and it wasn't a very wise decision.)  I really don't eat that much sugar on a regular basis, but the few times I do (my favorite peanut butter, for example) are proving very difficult to give up.  I figure that if I write it here, maybe it'll keep me more accountable or motivate me.  I did manage to wean myself off of sweetened almond milk before Christmas, and now I don't mind the taste of the unsweetened stuff, so that's some progress.  I don't know if I'll be able to survive Easter without anything sweet (besides fruit), but I guess I'll try.  There may be a brief consumption of the two gluten-free/dairy-free dark chocolate candy bars that are in our pantry now, but otherwise I'll try really hard.  :)

I was looking back at the time after my first surgery two years ago, and I realized I wasn't taking very many meds (naltrexone, fish oil, HCG, and B6).  Since then quite a bit has been added (see my right side bar if you're curious).  Obviously the uterine infection still needs to be treated, but I'm hoping the rest of my current meds and supplements are pushing me closer toward a healthy reproductive system that could be able to conceive.

I guess I'm hopeful in the sense that we're doing what we can medically to optimize our chances, and if God wills it, we'll get pregnant.  But if He has some other plan for us, I'm going to trust that it will be for our good.  Do I expect that I'll get pregnant?  Honestly, no.  But thankfully God doesn't need me to expect to get pregnant in order to make it happen.  I will gladly be shocked if it happens.  I'm going to do my best to take this one day or one cycle at time and not try to look too far ahead.  I know our TTC clock is being reset to zero after surgery, and with NaPro they would encourage trying for 12-18 effective cycles.  An effective cycle is a cycle that looks like a normal fertility cycle.  I don't think having TEBB counts as an effective cycle, so we may be at zero for a while until the TEBB and infection are treated.  I'm okay with that.

Maybe because it's been over 3.5 years of TTC, but I'm really not in a rush or anxious to conceive.  Yes, I wish that we had conceived already, but being impatient isn't going to make it happen any faster.  Maybe it's just one of those IF survival skills you learn after you've tried the opposite tactic for so long.  Maybe it's saying to God, "I'm tired and my way of handling things isn't bringing any peace."  Maybe it's acceptance of the cross after carrying it for so long.  Maybe it's giving up the illusion that I have (any) control enough to let God's grace in.  Maybe it's all of the above.

Nearly normal

It's been four weeks since surgery.  I'm feeling good.  I'd say I'm 95% back to normal.  I can't bend forward all the way to touch my toes but I can pick something up off the ground if I lower myself to a squat first.  It's nice not to have to use my feet to pick up things I drop.  I do recommend practicing that with your feet; it's a good skill to have.  :)  I never realized how often I drop things, especially socks, until it became a challenge to get my hand to the floor.  Cell phones are a bit tricky to pick up with feet, but manageable.  Pill bottles and water bottles are a lost cause.

I haven't taken any pain medicine since last Friday.  Yay!  My "big" scar does still ache on and off, but it's not too bad.  It protests quite a bit when I try to lie flat on my stomach but I can get by without doing that for now and just sleep on my side.

I am happy to report that my toenails are now a lovely shade of bright pink.  I thought that for my surgery two years ago I remember them saying that I couldn't have any nail polish on, so I went into this surgery with naked toenails even though I didn't see that in my instructions.  Painted toenails make me happy even if no one else sees them (and even if I'm wearing socks all day), so mine are pretty much always red or pink.  For the first two and a half weeks after surgery there was no way I could reach my toes, so it's sort of a recovery milestone that I can do that again.  :)

I'm somewhat disappointed that my first period after surgery was almost as painful as it was just before surgery.  It wasn't bad enough to require ibuprofen, but after almost three weeks of prescription-strength ibuprofen I preferred to tough it out rather than subject my stomach to more abuse.  I'm hoping the pain was at least a little related to being post-surgery and that next cycle will be better.

Surgeon follow up

I had a phone appointment with Dr. E today. Normally it's an in-person visit but since I'm a long-distance patient, she wasn't going to make me drive all that way. I did have to e-mail her pictures of my five incisions so she could see how they're healing.

She reviewed the surgery results with me. She said the lactobacillus found on culture was likely a contaminant from the vagina, so my aerobic bacteria culture was essentially negative. The Gram positive rods on the anaerobic culture were not a contaminant and will have to be treated. She said drugs of choice would be Flagyl or Clindamycin. DH and I have been on Flagyl before, and it didn't help my TEBB. It was the IV Clindamycin that eliminated my TEBB for one cycle last summer, but Dr. E pointed out that DH wasn't treated which probably explains the return of TEBB. I'm not sure that I want to do another IV for ten days, and DH definitely doesn't want to do it. I wonder if Dr. K would consider giving us oral Clindamycin, knowing that she doesn't normally prescribe it due to risk of C. difficile infection (very bad infection).

So the plan is to wait one more full cycle before TTC again so I can heal. We'll see what Dr. K's recommendations are in my next cycle review.

In other news, I took my last opioid yesterday, and I will resume the naltrexone tonight. DH is excited.

More recovery and culture results

The doctor wasn't kidding when she said it would be a two-week recovery. I am trying to keep that in mind. It's tough though because I have periods where I feel back to normal and then when the pain returns or I can't move a certain way or I still have to walk really slowly I'm surprised by it (when I shouldn't be surprised...because it hasn't been two weeks yet). I guess they are good reminders to continue to take it easy. :)

Little improvements toward normal make me happy. I am able to put on socks (creatively) without pain and without bending forward. My urge to urinate finally returned yesterday, 11 days after surgery. There was much rejoicing. I don't remember other people talking about that post-surgery so I thought I'd mention it. It feels very strange to lose that function and have to remember every few hours to go to the bathroom.

I am still taking prescription strength ibuprofen on a schedule, although I've stopped setting an alarm to take the middle-of-the-night dose. I take the opioid as needed--especially for when I go out in public. I went out to run errands with DH on Saturday, and it was so nice to have a change of scenery, although by the end I was ready to use one of those motorized scooters. :) I went to Mass on Sunday and was able to sit, stand, and kneel along with everyone else, although more slowly. I couldn't genuflect though. The priest who gave me the Anointing of the Sick asked me how I was doing after Mass; it was nice that he remembered. It was my first Mass since surgery. I was able to watch Mass online while I was not feeling so great, including Pope Benedict's last public Mass on Ash Wednesday. It was bittersweet. I'm going to miss him. :(

DH is doing a great job taking care of me. Acting as a nurse does not come naturally to him, so I am really thankful for all he has done. He has told me multiple times that if it were him having surgery, he would just want to be left alone as much as possible, so I know this is requiring a lot of extra patience from him. He does like to feel helpful though so I think he was a little disappointed when I no longer needed him when getting out of bed or up from the reclining chair. ;)

The bad part about recovery now is that I am post-peak and PMSing. (Apparently major surgery isn't enough stress for my body to have a double peak or even a delay...) When you're taking opioids, you can't take naltrexone because they cancel each other out. The surgeon asked me to discontinue the naltrexone a week before surgery to make sure the anesthesia worked properly, so I've been off of it for almost three weeks. I am currently alternating between extreme crabbiness and crying. I can take HCG tonight so that should help some, whenever it kicks in.

The surgeon sent me a big packet of papers (everything that she faxed to Dr. K at PPVI) with most of my surgery results, including op report, pathology report, and all culture results to date. Very interesting reading. :) The fungus results won't be finalized for a month, unless they are positive, which means they would be ready sooner. They let it sit for a month before declaring that there is no fungus.

The part I was excited about was the bacterial culture results. They were positive! It's not normally something to be excited about but it's something to try to treat that might be a factor in our IF. (I'd rather know what's wrong and have the doctor try to fix it than have everything come out normal and have no where to start with treatment ideas...not that my preferences have any weight or influence of course.) ;) Anyway, I had lactobacillus and multiple Gram positive rods (specific anaerobic bacteria were not listed). I wonder how many antibiotics it's going to take to wipe out these bugs. Given how many antibiotics I've been on in the past few years, I might have some pretty tough (resistant) bacteria living in my uterus. Bacteria, your days are numbered!! :)

Surgery results and recovery

My surgery was scheduled for noon on Friday, and I was supposed to arrive at ten.  I woke up with only enough time to shower and get ready so I wouldn't have extra time to be nervous or hungry.  When we got to the hospital I made a short visit to the chapel, which had a tabernacle.  A little time with Jesus was just what I needed.  I love Catholic hospitals.  :)  Shortly after checking in, a nurse took me back to the pre-op room.  DH was asked to stay in the waiting area.  They gave him a pager so they could notify him when I was ready.  I changed into a pretty lavender gown and some fashionable hospital booties.  The nurse made sure I was comfortable on the bed and covered my legs with a heavy blanket to keep me warm.  Then she connected a hose to my gown and turned on a machine.  My gown had a lining which could be filled with hot air.

This is not me. I was not quite that smiley. That is the same gown as I had. The inflated
gown added 100 or so pounds to my profile so that part of the picture is accurate.

The nurse explained that if a patient is warm, it improves circulation and helps with healing.  I had a hand-held control to adjust if I wanted to sweat like I was in a sauna or just be pleasantly toasty.

The nurse started an IV and asked me a bunch of questions about my medical history and medications.  She said Dr. E wins the award for longest surgery consent form because of all the procedures (and possible procedures) she planned to do.  After she finished, Dr. E stopped by to see if I had any last minute questions.  She prayed over me while holding my hand, and the nurse held my other hand.  I was so touched by this that I cried a few silent tears. Then Dr. E taped a plastic rosary to my hand that had been blessed by Pope Benedict XVI.

She told me she had already prayed a rosary for me and that she was hoping to stop in the chapel for a few minutes before surgery.  I may or may not have cried a few more tears...I was in a very emotional state.  Plus, it's not every day that your doctor tells you she's praying for you.  :)

After Dr. E left, the nurse brought DH back to the room.  A few other people streamed in to ask me the same questions over and over again (do you have any metal in your body, did you eat anything this morning, why are you here, etc.).

The anesthesiologist's visit was interesting.  He started off asking similar questions to everyone else and then started to go through my medication list.  He got to naltrexone and made a funny look.  He asked why I was on it (knowing it's usually used for alcohol or drug addiction).  I said it's for PMS and that it works great.  He raised his eyebrows and said he'd never heard of it being used that way before, which is how every non-NaPro doctor I've ever met has reacted.  I waited for him to move on to the next medication but he paused and then proceeded to ask me what my PMS symptoms were, what the naltrexone changed about them, and what dose I started at.  I joked that he should be asking DH, who was sitting next to me.  DH said I was a different person while on it.  The doctor apologized for getting side-tracked but said he was personally interested in the details...for his wife, who apparently has bad PMS.  I told him to talk to Dr. E about getting naltrexone for his wife.  I think he's going to!  He seemed pretty excited about it.

Then he got serious again and said that I need a second IV in my other arm.  I'm not a big IV fan, and I was happy not to have passed out during the first one.  The nurse hadn't done the second one because she thought it could be done in the OR during surgery if and when Dr. E decided to switch from regular laparoscopy to robotic.  (It would only be needed if she did robotic surgery.)  The anesthesiologist wanted it done beforehand just in case.  And I was hoping to avoid another needle...  Either they forgot this plan or changed their minds because I didn't get the second IV while I was awake.  They gave me something in my IV to "take the edge off" and started to wheel my bed to the OR.  We turned a corner in the hallway and that's all I remember until I woke up after surgery.  For my surgery two years ago I remember being awake in the OR for a few minutes while they prepped me.

After surgery when I woke up all I wanted was ice.  My mouth was really dry.  I also asked for something in case I threw up.  My stomach was feeling okay, but I remembered my prior reaction to anesthesia wearing off and wanted to be on the safe side.  They gave me two bags, and I set them next to me on the bed.  I dozed off and woke up in a private room.  DH was sitting next to me.  He gave me a constant supply of ice chips and made sure the washcloth on my forehead stayed cold.  (I was burning up and in pain so a cold washcloth was helpful.)  He was a very good nurse.  :)

It was kind of obvious to me by now that I had had the robotic surgery and was looking at a two-week recovery.  I asked DH about my surgery.  He said it had taken five and a half hours.  That is a long surgery!  I wondered what Dr. E had to do while she was in there because my laparoscopy two years ago took under two hours, and the surgeon did most of the same procedures that Dr. E was going to do.  DH gave me a few details of what Dr. E found but he couldn't remember much, and he didn't record the conversation with Dr. E on his cell phone like was originally planned.  I would have to wait for the details...

DH left around 10:00 p.m. to go back to the hotel, so I decided to watch tv to distract me from the pain.  Besides having a bunch of tubes coming out of my arms and a catheter you-know-where, I had large cuffs around my calves that inflated every 45 seconds. (I timed it...what else did I have to do while lying there?)  ;)  At one point a nurse came in to take my vitals, including blood pressure.  She put the cuff on my arm, and I couldn't figure out why she didn't just use the cuffs on my legs...until it dawned on my that I didn't have blood pressure cuffs on my legs.  (My mental capacity was not 100% as you can tell.)  I asked what the cuffs on my legs were.  She said they help prevent blood clots.

This is not me.  These leg cuffs inflated every 45 seconds
all night long.  It was a long night.

The nurse came in every once in a while to ask my pain level or give me my usual medications.  I had brought my T3 in a pill box and not in the original bottle from the pharmacy so there was no way to verify what it was.  This was a problem.  The nurse said she would have to call the pharmacy to confirm that it was T3 before she could give it to me.  I knew Kubat's was closed for the day, but she still called.  She ended up giving it to me anyway.  I think she had spoken to Dr. E about it and maybe got permission from her.

Eventually I fell asleep but never stayed asleep for very long, probably not more than an hour at a time.  Sometimes the pain woke me up, but I could press a magic button and a nurse would appear with a pain pill for me to take.  A nurse or nursing assistant came in periodically to take vitals or do other things that required me to be awake.  One came to draw blood.  I don't remember why she needed blood but it was around 2:00 a.m.  In my exhausted state I asked her why she couldn't use one of my IVs to draw the blood.  (One IV was my pain medication lifeline, but the other was not in use.)  She said the IV would clog up if she did that, so she had to poke her own hole.  At 6:00 a.m. a nurse came to remove my catheter.  I couldn't feel it while it was in, which was nice.  (I was not looking forward to having a catheter in at all.)  When she was putting gloves on, I realized that if she removed it, I would have to get up to go to the bathroom.  That prospect scared me, and I wished I could just keep the catheter for a while longer.  I had not been up out of the bed at all since surgery.  The removal part was over quickly.  The nurse said I needed to go to the bathroom in the next six hours.  When I did get up to go a few hours later, they gave me a pair of hospital underwear which I thought was quite comfortable.  (My own was in my overnight bag on the chair a mere six feet away, but the nurse didn't want to go through my stuff to get it, and I was in no shape to do it either.)  She asked if I had slippers--which I did, in my off-limits bag--so she went to the other side of the room to get me hospital sock slippers.  It ended up being a good thing that I used hospital-provided slippers...I may have had to throw them out if they had been my slippers because they can't go in the washer...

DH arrived after I was all settled back in bed and had eaten some breakfast, my first food in over 24 hours.  Dr. E came later to check on my progress and to tell me what happened with the surgery.  She found endo, which she estimated to be stage II, in three different locations (one location had multiple spots of endo).  She said she was not surprised at all that I had painful periods given the endo she found.  She thought that they were all new locations, not recurrences from two years ago, but she said she'd have to check my files to be sure.  One of the locations was on one of my ureters, and apparently it was very tedious and tricky to remove.  I did have endo on a ureter two years ago which the resident assisting my surgeon was afraid to touch (but the surgeon removed it anyway).  Maybe endo on ureters is always tricky?  She said she looked extra closely at both my ovaries but could not find any endo.  (My ultrasounds from last year showed a shadow on my left ovary that could have been endo.)  She knew about one fibroid ahead of time that was sticking off of the top of my uterus, but she found two new fibroids.  One of the new fibroids had adhesions around it, so she removed all of that, along with the endo.  She had to make one incision larger in order to remove one fibroid, so she said I'll be extra sore there.  She also found adhesions near my large intestine (not far from the appendix) but she had no explanation for why they were there.  She didn't think they were from my first surgery because of the out-of-way location, and she also didn't think they were from a missed case of appendicitis.  She didn't remove those adhesions because she didn't think they'd affect fertility where they were.

She did a selective hysterosalpingogram (SHSG) and said the pressure in both my tubes was normal and that they were completely open.

She did a hysteroscopy to look around inside my uterus and found endometrial stippling (little white dots) and micropolyps--otherwise known as endometritis.  She took biopsies and cultures of the cervix and endometrium but we won't know the culture results for a month.  (It takes that long to see if the bugs grow or not.)  She is pretty sure infection is the cause of the endometritis, but the question remains if we'll be able to identify the bug, even with the cultures.  Honestly I am hoping that something with the cultures comes back positive, otherwise we may go back to blindly picking an antibiotic.  We've never tried Biaxin, which Dr. E was surprised to learn, so that would be a logical place to start.

Since I passed all the requirements (walked, urinated, passed gas, etc.), Dr. E said I could go home right away.  I was happy to leave the hospital but I did enjoy having IV pain meds controlling most of the pain.  She sent me home with a prescription for an opioid and ibuprofen and said to take both on a schedule at first to stay ahead of the pain.  She also didn't want me sitting in the car for more than two hours at a time, so we'd have to stop for a short walk on the way home.

The car ride home wasn't bad (aside from the fact that I felt awful and wanted to be in bed).  I had a small pillow between me and the seat belt to cushion any bumps along the road.  We stopped at a pharmacy along the way to pick up my prescriptions and ended up having to wait over an hour for them.  I slept most of the time.

Recovery has been going pretty well.  Since being home my appetite is close to normal.  The first day or two DH brought me my meals in bed, but now I can sit at the kitchen table.  I can usually get out of bed without assistance but DH stands there to make sure I don't fall (and it's less painful when he helps).  I can walk but I move very slowly.  My sleep quality at night is improving--either because I'm in less pain or because I'm getting used to sleeping on my back--so I'm not napping as much as the first couple days home.  The pain is not usually too bad except when it's between doses, so I have alerts on my phone going off to remind me which pain pill to take.  My incisions are starting to itch like crazy.  I had to cough yesterday, and I thought I was going to split open because of the pressure it put on my incisions.  Not fun.  I don't plan to cough anymore if I can help it...or hiccup, sneeze, or laugh.  I told DH he's not allowed to say anything funny for two weeks.  He made me laugh once which really hurt, so said he'd try really hard to say only boring things.  I have periods of time where I feel almost normal...and then I get up off my reclining chair to walk around, and the pain returns.  So as long as I don't move I'm fine.  ;)  Okay, that's not always true--I do have pain while sitting also...like now.  :(  Lots to offer up for Jellybelly.