Stations and IF

I wrote reflections on a few of the Stations of the Cross.  The text in italics is from a booklet used at our parish (author unknown).

Station 7:  Jesus falls the second time

Jesus, our brother, you must have been discouraged by your second fall. We too, know discouragement. Our best efforts end in failure. Those we love, do not seem to love us. Regardless of our efforts, life does not bring peace. What shall we do? We will imitate your example and try again, even in the face of futility.

How many times do I fall because of IF?  Doubt, despair, envy, pride...the list goes on.  It's discouraging enough to fall once, but when it happens multiple times, it gets harder to want to get up again.  Every new pregnancy announcement around me is a new chance to stumble.  I should be able to handle each one gracefully by now—I've had plenty of opportunities to practice this—yet still I fall into envy.  But if Jesus can get up again while still under the weight of the Cross, so will I try harder next time.

~*~

Station 8:  Jesus meets the women of Jerusalem

"Weep not for me, but for you and for your children."  ~Luke 23:28

Jesus, our brother, in the midst of your sufferings you had compassion for others and their pain. We are often so self-centered.  We do not see the suffering of others.  We want pity, kindness, and understanding.  We are willing to give so little in return.  Help us forget ourselves.  Awaken us to the pain in the lives of others.

How often with IF do I look inward and only see my own pain?  It's so easy to slip into thinking that my suffering is worse than everyone else's around me; others can't possibly be hurting as much as I am.  The challenge is to acknowledge the pain in someone else and respond in love, even when it's hard, like listening to a friend complain about how little sleep she's getting because she has a newborn.  I thought I was doing well by biting my tongue—I would gladly get no sleep if it meant I had a baby, and I was itching to tell my friend that—but maybe imitating Christ would mean going a step further and showing her some understanding while forgetting my pain for a second.

~*~

Station 13: Jesus is taken down from the cross

Jesus, our brother, you are laid in the arms of your mother. The agony is over. But the resurrection is not yet.  Your Father's plan requires patience. So it is with us. We reach moments when only patience can carry us on. We know that something better will come. But when? Help us share your patience and the patience of your mother.

We know the ending—Jesus triumphs.  But that doesn't mean our life looks like Easter all the time.  Much of IF looks like Good Friday.  We've been TTC for so long.  How many cycles will it take to conceive?  Will we conceive ever?  How long will we have the cross of childlessness?  Will it be life-long?  Patience is so important in learning to accept this cross.  I have to trust God that his plans for me are for my ultimate good, even if it doesn't look like what I had in mind.