Novena to Sts. Joachim and Anne

The feast day of Saints Joachim and Anne, the parents of the Blessed Virgin Mary and grandparents of Jesus, is coming up on July 26th.  They experienced infertility and were childless for twenty years.  (Twenty!  That certainly puts my five years in perspective...)  Their community snubbed them because they thought barrenness was a punishment from God.  As if infertility isn't isolating enough already!  One day Joachim went to the temple with the desire to offer sacrifice but he was not allowed to because he had no children.  Filled with shame and grief, he went off to the wilderness for forty days to fast and pray (and complain to God about being childless) where an angel visited him and told him he would have a daughter.  Back at home, Anne was begging God for a child when an angel visited her too and gave her the same news.  She was forty years old when the Virgin Mary was born.

If you'd like to pray the novena below, it starts tomorrow and goes through the day before their feast day.  All those struggling with IF or miscarriage are in my prayers.

Good parents of the Blessed Virgin Mary,
grandparents of our Savior, Jesus Christ,

When life seems barren,
   help us to trust in God’s mercy.

When we are confused,
   help us to find the way to God.

When we are lost in the desert,
   lead us to those whom God has called us to love.

When our marriage seems lifeless,
   show us the eternal youth of the Lord.

When we are selfish,
   teach us to cling only to that which lasts.

When we are afraid,
   help us to trust in God.

When we are ashamed,
   remind us that we are God’s children.

When we sin,
   lead us to do God’s will.

You who know God’s will for husband and wife,
   help us to live chastely.

You who know God’s will for the family,
   keep all families close to you.

You who suffered without children,
   intercede for all infertile couples.

You who trusted in God’s will,
   help us to respect God’s gift of fertility.

You who gave birth to the Blessed Mother,
   inspire couples to be co-creators with God.

You who taught the Mother of God,
   teach us to nurture children in holy instruction.

You whose hearts trusted in God,
   hear our prayers for . . . (mention your requests here)

Pray with us for the ministry of Catholic family life.
Pray with us for the ministry of Natural Family Planning.
Pray with us for all who give their time, talent and treasure to this good work.

Hail Mary. . . Our Father. . . Glory Be to the Father. . .

God of our fathers, you gave Saints Anne and Joachim the privilege of being the parents of Mary, the mother of your incarnate Son. May their prayers help us to attain the salvation you have promised to your people. We ask this through Christ our Lord. Amen.

Source:  USCCB website

Songs for rough days

Because I wanted them all in one place, I compiled a bunch of songs that can give a little comfort, encouragement, or perspective on the hard days, especially CD1 or any other day you're feeling down.

"By Your Side" by Tenth Avenue North
"Why are you looking for love? Why are you still searching as if I'm not enough?"


"Worn" by Tenth Avenue North
"Life just won’t let up and I know that you can give me rest, so I cry out with all that I have left."


"Hold My Heart" by Tenth Avenue North
"Could the Maker of the stars hear the sound of my breaking heart?"


"You Were on the Cross" by Matt Maher
"And where were You when all that I've hoped for, where You when all that
I've dreamed came crashing down in shambles around me? You were on the cross."


"Blessings" by Laura Story
"What if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise?"


"Even If" by Kutless
"You are God and we will bless You even if the healing doesn’t come."


"What Faith Can Do" by Kutless
"I've seen dreams that move the mountains, hope that doesn't ever end
even when the sky is falling."


"While I'm Waiting" by John Waller
"I'm waiting on You, Lord though it is painful, but patiently, I will wait."


"If You Want Me To" by Ginny Owens
"I'll remember the suffering Your love put You through
and I will go through the darkness if You want me to."


"Praise You in This Storm" by Casting Crowns
"And every tear I've cried, You hold in Your hand. You never left my side."


"Already There" by Casting Crowns
"From where I'm standing, Lord it's so hard for me to see where this is going
and where You're leading me."


"No One Else Knows" by Building 429
"When all I am is crying out, I hold it in and fake a smile, still I'm broken."


"Help Me Find It" by Sidewalk Prophets
"If there’s a road I should walk help me find it. If I need to be still give me peace for the moment."


"The Hurt and the Healer" by Mercy Me
"Pain so deep that I can hardly move; just keep my eyes completely fixed on You"


"Lay It Down" by Jaci Velasquez
"I know that you know that my heart is aching. I'm running out of tears and my will is breaking.
I don't think that I can carry the burden of it anymore."


"No Matter What" by Kerrie Roberts
"I know that You can find a way to keep me from the pain but if not,
if not, I'll trust You, no matter what."


"Before the Morning" by Josh Wilson
"...'cause the pain you've been feeling can't compare to the joy that's coming"


"All I Can Say" by David Crowder Band
"I didn't know that that was You holding me. I didn't notice You were crying too."


"Need You Now" by Plumb
"How many times have you heard me cry out 'God please take this'?
How many times have you given me strength to just keep breathing?"


"Bring the Rain" by Mercy Me
"I am Yours regardless of the dark clouds that may loom above
because You are much greater than my pain."


"Carry Me" by Audrey Assad
"So, I choose to believe as I carry this cross, You'll carry me."


"Your Hands" by JJ Heller
"When my heart is breaking, I never leave Your hands."


"I Lift My Hands" by Chris Tomlin
"As I pour out my heart, these things I remember. You are faithful, God, forever."


"Tunnel" by Third Day
"You've got your disappointments and sorrows. You ought to share the weight of that load with me."


"Cry Out to Jesus" by Third Day
"When you're lonely and it feels like the whole world is falling on you,
you just reach out, you just cry out to Jesus."


"Never Alone" by Barlow Girl
"I cried out with no reply, and I can't feel You by my side. So I'll hold tight to what I know: 
You're here and I'm never alone."


"Blessed Be Your Name" by Tree63
"Blessed be Your name on the road marked with suffering.  Though there's pain in the offering, 
blessed be Your name."


"For the Moments I Feel Faint" by Relient K
"Never underestimate my Jesus. When the world around you crumbles, He will be strong."


"Safe" by Phil Wickham
"When everything is falling apart, you will be safe in His arms."


"Strong Enough" by Matthew West
"'Cause I'm broken down to nothing but I'm still holding on to the one thing.
You are God and you are strong when I am weak."


"Where I Belong" by Building 429
"So when the walls come falling down on me and when I'm lost in the current of a raging sea, 
I have this blessed assurance holding me."

Little happies - grocery store treats

Thanks to Stephanie at Blessed to Be who hosts this linkup to remind us of the small blessings in life.

During our early days of TTC I made changes to my diet to see if it would help improve fertility and later did a food intolerance test.  Currently I don't eat gluten, dairy, soy, or sugar in any form (corn syrup, etc.).  With a diet like that it can be hard to find pre-made foods that pass the ingredients list test and are appetizing.  Here are some of my favorite treats to buy from a grocery store:

--one--

Larabars -  They are really good, but they can get a bit pricey (more than $1 per bar if not on sale).  The main ingredient in each bar is dates, but you really don't taste the dates.  I am not a big fan of dates, but I love these.  They come in lots of flavors, many of which fit my diet limitations.  I have tried several different recipes to make them at home to reduce the cost.  My homemade chocolate version tastes pretty good (like slightly undercooked brownies), but nothing beats the originals.  I recently tried peanut butter & jelly (it's peanuts and cherries) and pecan pie.  Yum!!  Cherry pie and blueberry muffin are the best, in my opinion.  Last summer I tried to replicate both of those flavors in the kitchen without success, but I think my problem was using fruit that was fresh instead of dried, so I'll be trying again soon.  I'm drying cherries in the oven for this purpose as I type this.  :)

--two--

Izze - Growing up, having a soda (or pop, depending on where you're from) was only allowed on rare occasions, so I consider it a treat.  When I'm in the mood for a soda, I've found that Izze is a great substitute.  The cherry lime flavor is fairly sweet considering there are no sweeteners in it.  This particular flavor is produced in limited quantities, and it's really hard to find.  I found some the other week, and the grocery store employee stocking the shelf said they only receive small shipments of cherry lime once a year.  Peach and blueberry are my back up flavors.

--three--

Chocolate Super Cookies by Go Raw - Since I haven't eaten sugar in a while, I don't really have cravings for sweet things (at least not like I used to), but sometimes a cookie would just hit the spot.  I have tried to bake cookies without sweeteners (no honey or maple syrup either) but they just didn't taste right.  Then I discovered these cookies.  They're small and more like the consistency of chocolate crackers than cookies.  I've only had them once, and they did not last long.  I did not share them with DH.  ;)  Since then I have successfully made them from scratch, and the homemade version doesn't last long around here either.

--four--

Blue potato chips - When I visit my parents, my mom likes to have snacks around for me to eat besides fruit, carrot sticks, and nuts, so she will hunt around the special food section of a couple grocery stores looking for new things for me to try.  She found these blue potato chips. There is also a product by the same company which has both blue potato chips and (orange) sweet potato chips mixed in the same bag.  (I prefer the blue ones.)  They are addicting!




(I didn't receive any compensation from any of the above companies; I just like their products.)

What is it about IF?

I've been thinking about this for a long time.  I'm not sure I have a good answer (just a bunch of mediocre ones), but maybe some of you do.

What is it about infertility that makes it so difficult to understand what it's like until you personally experience it?

As with anything, you obviously understand a situation best when you've actually walked down that road yourself.  But sometimes, maybe even most times, when someone else is in a difficult situation or suffering, you can have a (decent) general idea of what it's like to be in her shoes and can show compassion appropriately.  For example, if your single friend's father died, you could imagine what it would be like to lose your own father and probably could come up with a list of emotions or reactions that your friend might be having.  Sure, you could still say the wrong things, but you'd at least grasp the idea that your friend is hurting profoundly and will be grieving for a long time.  Years later, you would understand if she leaves the room during a wedding reception when the father-daughter dance is announced and would likely want to make sure she's okay when she returns.

Maybe a father dying is a bad example to compare to IF because death of loved ones is a universal experience while IF is less common, but hopefully you get the idea that other types of suffering are easier to understand.

For some reason, infertility is different for the majority of people.  If you haven't experienced it (or miscarriage), imagining what it's like to go through infertility seems to be very difficult and translating that into appropriate compassion for an infertile friend is rarely done well.  I mention miscarriage because my friends who have experienced a miscarriage without any difficulty conceiving for subsequent pregnancies have been so supportive and kind to me in my infertility, even without knowing exactly what it's like to not conceive.  Maybe it's because the sympathetic comments they want to hear after miscarriage are similar in nature to those that would comfort an IFer and the loss of the dream of holding a child in your arms is comparable.  (I don't presume to speak for someone who had a miscarriage.  Please correct me if I misspoke...er...mistyped.)  Single ladies who long to be married and have been waiting for years to meet their future spouse also tend to relate well to IFers, in my experience.

Lest you think I am blaming anyone, I include myself in that group who couldn't show compassion before I knew I was infertile.  During FCP training (I was pre-IF then), there was some brief talk about working with infertile couples, but I don't remember what was said.  Either I spaced out or there wasn't much said.  I remember receiving a list of books we could purchase and read to get a better idea of what an infertile couple is going through, but I honestly wasn't going to put in the extra effort for something that I didn't see a need for. I thought if it was important they would have emphasized it during FCP training, not mention it as optional reading.  I just thought I'd teach IF couples how to chart and send them to a NaPro doctor.  I primarily saw infertility as the symptom of one or more medical problems, which may or may not be fixable.  (How I would l love to interview the pre-IF me right now!)  The emotional toll infertility takes on a couple was not on my radar AT ALL.  If you had told me that IFers experience similar rates of depression to cancer patients, I might not have believed it.  Or if you told me how often and easily the tears come and how much of everyday life is affected by IF, I would have been shocked.  My supervisor gave me a couple tips on what to say to infertile couples (1. don't promise them a baby and 2. remind them NaPro is not a quick fix and may be unlike anything they've tried before), but that was it.  I did receive a little sensitivity training later that I wrote about here.

Sometime after I started as an FCP intern, I ran into a friend of mine.  I knew she used the Creighton Model because we both learned from the same practitioner.  She revealed that she had been TTC for more than six months and hadn't conceived (so she was "officially" IF).  I don't remember exactly what I said, but I don't think I said much in response.  At the time I remember thinking that I had no idea what to say to her.  I hope I said, "I'm sorry," but that would have been it.  I definitely erred on the side of not saying much so I wouldn't say the wrong thing. I do remember that I didn't feel too sad for her; I had no idea how much her heart was breaking.  Normally I'm pretty sympathetic (or empathetic) if a friend is sad.  I will often cry if a friend is crying or even before she cries, but this time I just didn't understand what she was going through so I didn't know I should be sad for her or with her.

This baffles me today because at the time of that conversation, I wanted nothing more than to have a bunch of kids.  Why I couldn't take two seconds and think about how I would feel if I couldn't have kids and that dream would go unfulfilled is beyond me.  Later when I learned we were infertile too, I thought back to that conversation with her and wished that I could do it over.

Why didn't I know better?

What is it about infertility? 

Why do non-infertile people have such a hard time sympathizing or empathizing with an IFer?

Here are my shots in the dark at answering that ten thousand dollar question:

1.  Nobody died - With primary IF and never having been pregnant, no person existed for whom you could grieve.  Grieving the absence of a person who never existed might not make sense on the  surface, so it might not cross the mind of a person who wasn't infertile.

It reminds me of this quote from Laura Bush:

"The English language lacks the words to mourn an absence. For the loss of a parent, grandparent, spouse, child or friend, we have all manner of words and phrases, some helpful some not. Still we are conditioned to say something, even if it is only “I’m sorry for your loss.” But for an absence, for someone who was never there at all, we are wordless to capture that particular emptiness. For those who deeply want children and are denied them, those missing babies hover like silent ephemeral shadows over their lives. Who can describe the feel of a tiny hand that is never held?"

2.  Nobody is dying - IF is not a life-threatening illness so in that sense the medical problems underlying IF don't seem so devastating or serious, say, as someone who has cancer.  (I know this is comparing apples and oranges but a non-IFer might not be able to see that IF can be devastating in its own right even without the life-threatening aspect.)

3. All they know is joy - If your life is mostly joyful and is going the way you want it, it can be hard to put yourself in a mindset to sit with someone in their sorrow or difficulty.  It seems to be a common tendency to want to alleviate someone else's suffering or to try to fix the problem rather than to just stand at the foot of the cross and suffer a little with them.

Maybe it takes great suffering to learn great compassion for others' suffering, especially for suffering that is not easily apparent (IF) to the non-initiated.

4. More than meets the eye -  People underestimate the desire to have biological children—the desire for the love you and your husband have to directly result in the creation of another person (co-creation with God)—and maybe the only way it would sink in is if you couldn't fulfill that desire.  From a secular perspective, children can be seen as more of an "accessory" to marriage and not one of its primary aims, so not being able to conceive might be thought of as a minor disappointment or not a big deal because children weren't valued as much in the first place.  You would think that Christians, and especially those who have studied the Theology of the Body (TOB), would have a greater chance of grasping this because they see the immense intrinsic value and beauty that children have in a family and in the Kingdom of God and see how being open to children is a reflection of God's love.  At least my perspective deepened on this when I first learned TOB (and it made me go from wanting 4 kids to wanting 8 or more with the goal of wanting to help populate heaven).  But then again even knowing TOB didn't give me any more understanding of infertility than the average person.  (In case I am not conveying my point very well, I am not saying families of two (husband and wife) have any less value than families with children.  I am also not referring to adoption at all with this point...see the next one for that.)

5.  Just adopt - (this one is more speculation than the rest)  Related to #4... I wonder if the fact that adoption is an option to grow families makes people less likely to dwell on the impact infertility has on a couple emotionally.  If a person thinks the (only) problem is lack of children, then adoption seems to be a logical substitute to pregnancy because it results in children added to the family.  Adoption then becomes the solution to infertility; however, I know adoptive parents have said that it doesn't fix or solve infertility.  Infertility is not simply a lack of children, but I could see how a non-IFer might equate the two.

6.  Few and far between - As I mentioned above, IF isn't super common.  I've read that 1 in 8 to 1 in 6 couples experience IF.  I guess that means most people know an IFer; however, IF isn't often discussed because it can be a very personal and emotional conversation that an IFer might not want to have with every person she meets.  So maybe the lack of knowledge of how to relate to an IFer is simply lack of experience with them.  I remember meeting a fertile woman and being impressed with her response to me after I said we had been TTC for years.  It turned out one of her good friends was also infertile so she had "practice" so to speak with interacting with an IFer.

So what are your thoughts?  I'm very curious to hear how you'd answer the question above.

IF memes

image courtesy of stockimages / freedigitalphotos.net

(maybe this might be for some in the earlier stages of IF)

More memes here and here.

Signs

Perhaps only an FCP would turn the car around in order to take a picture of this sign.  

They were not handing out green baby stamps though (or green babies for that matter).  :)

Except maybe me getting pregnant...  Just kidding, God!  (God can take a joke, right?) 
It is a nice reminder though.  ;)

The difficulty arises when you can't tell the difference between "no" and "wait."
It can be a challenge to figure out what to do instead or in the meantime.

IF on TV

(I broke this topic into two posts because it was getting long.  Go here for IF in the movies.)

I always find it interesting when the topic of infertility makes its way into a TV show or a movie.  I was surprised this spring when it popped up in two of the shows I like to watch:  "Hart of Dixie" and "Call the Midwife."  I know you're probably wondering what a nice IF girl like me is doing watching a show named "Call the Midwife" because it's probably all about pregnant women and the birth of babies.  Yes, the show is almost entirely about labor and delivery.  Several babies are born during each episode.  What can I say?  I like BBC period dramas and, well, most other dramas made by the BBC.  (Downton Abbey, anyone?  :)  I've watched it and nearly all PBS's Masterpiece series since they aired film versions of six of Jane Austen's novels a handful of years ago.  I have been hooked ever since.  It is a very happy day for me when the new Masterpiece schedule comes out for the upcoming months.)

SPOILER ALERT:  If you want to watch these episodes without reading about the IF scenes first or what happens to the IF couple, then skip most of this post.  I highly recommend these episodes, especially "Call the Midwife."  I'll list the shows and specific episodes right now and talk in more detail later in the post.  If you do want to watch them, do it soon because the "Call the Midwife" episodes will be free online until 6/17/14 and only two of the three "Hart of Dixie" episodes are still available. 

TV shows:

• Hart of Dixie (CW website) - season 3:  episodes 319, episode 320 (5/2/14), episode 322 (5/16/14)
• Call the Midwife (PBS website) - season 3:  episodes 3, 4, 6-8

**********************BEGIN SPOILER ALERT**********************

Hart of Dixie

Episode 319 - "A Better Man"

The characters:
Wanda & Tom - the married couple with IF who are just beginning medical treatment
Dr. B - the small town's family practice doctor

Here is a scene at Wanda's doctor appointment:

Wanda: "I know this medication is helping me, but I think it's making me crazy.  One second I'm so happy.  I look at Tom.  I love him so much.  The next I see his eyebrows and they are sooo bushy.  I want to tear those eyebrows out, like rip them off his face."
Dr. B: "Moodiness is a common side effect of clomiphene.  Now the good news: it is working! You are officially ovulating.  So you and Tom need to start trying to make a baby tonight. Hahaha.  Bushy eyebrows or not!"

There are more scenes that touch on the pressure the couple feels to "perform" that night and their attempts to "relax" during the day so they're ready at night.  The scenes go a bit overboard—most IFers don't tell everyone they meet that they're ovulating and need to try to make a baby that night—but they do touch on very real issues us IFers face, so I was impressed that aspect was included.

Episode 320 - "Together Again"

The couple goes back to the doctor because AF arrived after the first cycle of Clomid.  There is also a scene where the IF couple is babysitting a baby and the wife doesn't want to give the baby back to the mom, which has probably crossed most IFers' minds at some point or another....right?  (or it's just me)  In the middle of the show there is this scene:

Tom:  Dr. B?  You might want to come.  We have a situation.
(both of them run out of the doctor's office into the town square where Wanda is)
Dr. B:  Oh, she's pushing an empty baby carriage?
Tom:  Oh, I wish.  I wish.

Tom:  Hey, sweetie.  Why don't you show Dr. B what's in the baby stroller?
Wanda:  Of course!  Isn't he wonderful?

This is what they see:

Dr. B:  Oh!  It's a goat...in a onesie.
Wanda:  (angrily)  Your point?

I think dressing up an animal like a baby is supposed to be a new level of crazy caused by the Clomid.  I suppose it's probably not healthy to pretend your pet is a baby...although I understand the desire.  ;)

Episode 322 - "Second Chance"

It only took two cycles of Clomid for Tom and Wanda to get a BFP.  If only it worked like that for everyone...  I was a bit disappointed that that's the extent of the IF storyline, but I guess something is better than nothing.  I hope the short duration of medical treatment in the show doesn't perpetuate a myth that it's that easy for all IF couples to conceive...


Call the Midwife

The show is set in London in the 1950s.  The midwives live together in a convent house.  Some of midwives are Anglican nuns; the rest are single ladies in their twenties.  If you can handle seeing prenatal care and births (nothing graphic shown), these episodes with an IF couple are really, really good.  If you watch them, you might want the tissues handy, especially with episodes 3 and 8.

The characters:
Shelagh and Dr. Patrick Turner - the married couple with IF

Episode 3

Shelagh and Patrick are newlyweds but older than most other newlyweds.  (Shelagh was previously an Anglican nun and midwife.  Patrick was a widower with an 11-year-old son Tim from his first marriage.)  Shelagh hasn't had her period in a while, so she wants to take a pregnancy test, but she needs a doctor's signature to request the test.  She had wanted to surprise her husband with the news, but instead has to ask him to sign the order.  He is very sweet and tells her he will forget that he had to sign it and will act surprised when she gives him the news.  Can you imagine having to wait to receive the results of a pregnancy test until they're mailed to you?  In the meantime, she is overanalyzing her symptoms of possible pregnancy (or lack thereof) just like I have done many times.

Patrick: "Negative this time."  (sounds like other optimistic husbands I know)

Since she hasn't had a period in three months and isn't pregnant, Shelagh agrees to have an exploratory surgery with a local doctor to see if there is a visible problem.  When she wakes up from surgery, she demands to know the results now (again this sounds familiar to me) instead of waiting until she is more rested.  Her husband gives her the news that she has scar tissue throughout her pelvic organs from a previous TB infection.

looks like a nice surgery recovery room

Shelagh:  I know there's no hope.  You don't need to tell me.  I'm sorry.
Patrick:  Don't say that.  So many dreams came true.
Shelagh:  Just not all of them.

I definitely needed the tissues for that scene.  I very much could relate to her broken heart upon hearing the news of infertility, to her apologizing to her husband for being IF, and to her husband trying to comfort her by saying he is so happy to have married her.  DH and I have had similar conversations multiple times over the past four years.

Episode 4

In the Turner household, this scene happens:  (Shelagh is holding back tears.)

Patrick:  What's that?
Shelagh:  The nightdress I was making.  With every stitch I could see the baby's face more clearly.  Now the nightdress will never be needed, and the face won't go away.
Patrick:  Put it in the drawer, Shelagh.  Put it away out of sight.
Shelagh:  I tried that.
Patrick:  This isn't the end of the world.  It's just the end of a road.  We'll find a way ahead.
Shelagh:  I'm looking for it.  I really am.

I have baby and maternity things hidden away under the bed.  If only hiding them would solve all my problems...  This scene was such a reminder of dashed dreams due to IF.

Later Shelagh puts the nightdress in a bag and gives it to the head nun Sister Julienne for the charity box.  It must have been really difficult for her to part with it.

It's unrelated to IF, but Shelagh's choir sings "Ave Verum Corpus" at the end of the episode.  It's one of my very favorite hymns.  Beautiful.

Episode 6

Shelagh's step-son invites the new boy at school over to his house.  The boy's mother Jean comes over as well and has tea with Shelagh as the boys play.

Jean:  My husband and I couldn't have children of our own. Colin's mom died and he'd been put in foster care.  He knows he's adopted.  And we all know we're lucky.

(Shelagh just stares at the other mom like she can't believe she found someone else who is infertile.)

Jean:  And all the way along the more love he's needed, the more love we've found.  We haven't run out yet.

Later in the episode, Shelagh brings up the idea of adoption to her husband.  Patrick is on board with the idea immediately.  The scene where they discuss the idea with Tim, their 11-year-old son, is really sweet.

Shelagh meets with an adoption agency and brings home a pile of paperwork for the application.  She shows it to Patrick, and he is not as excited as he was earlier about the idea.

Patrick:  I don't know why they need to know half of this stuff.  I've never seen so many questions.
Shelagh:  (laughs) Quite.
Patrick:  No.  I'm sorry, Shelagh.  You've rushed into this.  There are plenty of adoption charities, and we should talk to them all.  Find out what conditions they impose.
Shelagh:  No one's imposing any conditions.  They just want to know who we are.
Patrick:  It's perfectly obvious who we are.
Shelagh:  Patrick!  We're filling these forms in tonight.

I'm not sure if he really thought they could find an agency with less paperwork required or if he was trying to put the brakes on the process.  I was a little surprised that he was as open as he was to the idea of adoption when Shelagh first brought it up.

Episode 7

Shelagh and Patrick have the interview with the adoption agency, which doesn't end well.  The interviewer probes Patrick about an omission in the paperwork in his detailed service and work history.  Patrick lies to cover it up.  The interviewer reveals that she found out he was an inpatient at a psychiatric hospital being treated for war neurosis for several months.  He tries to explain it and says that he's since recovered.  It is clear that this is news to Shelagh, but she tries to cover it up.

Shelagh:  We've both needed great strength.
Interviewer:  We believe a child should be placed in a home where truth and trust are central to that home.

(later at their home)

Shelagh:  How could you not tell me?
Patrick:  I didn't think she would go through my entire history.
Shelagh:  She's placing a child.  She needs to know who she is placing it with.  So do I.  What happened to you?
Patrick:  I can't talk about it.

Episode 8

Shelagh and Patrick receive a letter saying that they have been accepted as adoptive parents.  Later they get "the call" that there is a baby girl for them.

Standing outside the door of the nursery at the adoption agency, this conversation happens:

Patrick:  Do you want to go in alone?
Shelagh:  No, Patrick.  This is the closest I'm ever going to get to giving birth, and I want you and I need you to be by my side.

They meet their new baby daughter.  It's a tearjerking scene for sure.

One of the midwives comments to her boyfriend after hearing about the adoption match:

Midwife: She's been given the prize of a lifetime today.
Boyfriend:  The baby?
Midwife: It's just such a magical thought. These souls that have never met being put together for a lifetime.
Boyfriend:  That's quite a deep thought for a Saturday evening.

And in a very happy ending for the season, the head nun Sister Julienne gives Shelagh a present.  When she opens it:

Shelagh:  The nightdress?  You kept it?
Sister Julienne:  For you.  For better times to come.

Now that I've spoiled everything for you, I still recommend watching these "Call the Midwife" episodes if you have time to kill in the next week and a half.  :)

IF in the movies

(I broke this topic into two posts because it was getting long.  Go here for IF on TV.)

Below are my two favorite movies that address infertility in at least one scene.  If I had to give an honorable mention award, it would be to "What to Expect When You're Expecting."  I know, I know.  It's not the typical movie an IFer would watch.  I think I was having a good day and was in a stable part of my cycle so I thought I could handle watching it.  One of the couples in the movie is infertile and is going through the adoption process; I thought the portrayal of that couple was quite good.  The rest of the movie is cute.  :) 

There are other movies that touch on infertility that I haven't seen.  I have seen the trailer and clips from a few scenes of the movie "The Odd Life of Timothy Green" which features an IF couple told by a doctor nothing can be done medically to help them conceive.  Just the trailer and clips made me cry, so it's quite possible I would be a sobbing mess if I watched the whole movie.  Maybe someday.  On a good day.  ;)

SPOILER ALERT:  If you want to watch these movies without reading about the IF scenes first or what happens to the IF couple, then skip most of this post.  I'll list the movie titles right now and talk in more detail later in the post. 

Movies:

• Up
• Julie & Julia

**********************BEGIN SPOILER ALERT**********************

Up

The first time I watched this movie I was hanging out with two single girlfriends of mine.  We were sitting in the living room with the lights dimmed but still on.  It was in the first year of IF for me.  I did not know what the movie was about except that there was a flying house carried by balloons (on the cover of the DVD).  I was definitely not prepared for the opening sequence.  The movie starts off innocently following a boy and girl growing up and eventually marrying.  They are shown painting the walls of a nursery.  You presume they are pregnant or planning to be pregnant soon.

Then this very brief scene appears:

(screenshot from the movie)

It totally caught me off guard.  I feel like that picture could definitely paint a thousand words and really captures the sadness that comes with IF and part of the dynamic of how couples react.  I immediately had tears running down my cheeks when seeing this.  I had a tissue in my pocket and tried to inconspicuously dab my eyes.  My friends had no idea we were TTC and IF.  In the movie there are no details given about whether the wife has a miscarriage or is told she won't be able to conceive.  The scenes following the couple as they age continue until both are gray-haired.  They remain childless for their entire marriage.  After this brief background story of the couple, the main plot begins with the husband (now widower) and a young neighbor boy.  Even though the IF reference scene is very brief, I think it is powerful.  (It has stayed etched in my mind for years.)

Julie & Julia

Both DH and I enjoy this movie.  I just watched it for the tenth or so time last weekend.  It's the story of two women told simultaneously even though they lived decades apart.  Julia Child (the famous cook) is living in France in the late 1940s (married at age 34), and Julie Powell is a 30-year-old wife in modern day NYC who decides to make all of the recipes in Julia Child's cookbook in a year.  She starts a blog to document her progress.  Both ladies are childless due to IF, but IF is not mentioned in Julie's story at all.  (The Julie in real life had PCOS.)  There are two scenes in Julia's life which allude to IF without coming out and saying, "We can't have children."

The pictures below are all screenshots of the movie itself.

Scene 1:  A walk in the park

Julia and her husband Paul are walking through a park in Paris and enjoying the day.  They pass a baby carriage, and Julia turns to look at the baby as it nears.  Paul notices that Julia looked at the baby carriage, and when she turns back around to continue walking, Paul kisses her hand and smiles at her.  It's so simple and subtle, but I'm sure anyone with IF would recognize how supportive Paul is being and how much it must sting for Julia to see a baby.  I wonder if non-IFers would think much of the scene at all.

Scene 2:  In the kitchen reading a letter from Julia's sister Dorothy

  Julia:  Dorothy is pregnant.

 

 Julia:  Oh, Paul.

 

Julia:  Isn't that wonderful?

 

Paul:  Yes.

 Julia:  I'm so happy.

Julia receives a letter from her newly-married sister Dorothy, who is around 33 years old, with the news that Dorothy is pregnant.  Julia's reaction is so true to life.  She starts crying but says she is happy for her sister.  (I cried with her the first time I saw this scene.)  Joy and sadness all rolled into one...that's just how pregnancy announcements are (usually) for me.

What are your favorite movies that touch on infertility?

How to ship blood

In case this is helpful to anyone, here is my little tutorial on shipping blood.  It is really easy.  We've been doing it as long as I've been a patient at the PPVI Institute.  Different labs calibrate their machines differently, and that can mean the same blood sent to two different labs would give noticeably different results.  For this reason, PPVI doctors require a patient's blood to be shipped to the PPVI lab (National Hormone Laboratory) for analysis there.  This is especially important for progesterone levels as all of the standard curves for NaPro are based on the PPVI lab.

[Side note:  Some NaPro doctors have ordered a set of controls from the PPVI lab to be run at their local lab see how closely the local lab's results compare to PPVI.  This allows the NaPro doctor to create a calibration curve to convert the local lab results into the PPVI standard.  Then all the patients for that NaPro doctor don't have to ship blood to PPVI; they can just go to that particular local lab, and the results will be sent to the NaPro doctor like any normal blood draw.]

First you have to find a lab that is willing to let your blood sample to leave their lab and go to another lab for analysis.  Not all labs allow this.  I have had the most luck with hospital outpatient labs; I have mailed blood to PPVI from two different cities.  The independent (not connected to a hospital) labs have all turned me down when I called to inquire about this.  So call around to your hospital lab(s) and ask if they are willing to just draw your blood and centrifuge it and then mail it to another lab for analysis.  You can also ask if they would let you mail the blood yourself (after it has been centrifuged).

In the first city where I lived, the lab was reluctant accommodate my request, but one of the lab admins said she remembered they had done this for a patient who was part of a research study, so in the end they agreed.  After taking down the name of the person giving me permission over the phone, I went to have my blood drawn at that lab and had to re-explain everything to the person drawing my blood.  The phlebotomist was hesitating, but as soon as I said it was for a research study, she stopped questioning me immediately and became very understanding.   Technically the PPVI Institute does do research so it's not totally wrong to say my blood draw was for research.  (Sorry for encouraging little white lies...)  I don't know why "research" was more acceptable than "my doctor wants to use her lab because it's standardized."  PPVI has written instructions on the back of the requisition form (blood draw order form) on how the blood is to be centrifuged before it is mailed, so I reviewed that with the phlebotomist before I left.  I didn't leave until I was confident that my sample was not going to be analyzed in town at that lab.  They promised to mail my blood to PPVI.

In the second city where I live now, the lab admin I spoke to on the phone was much more willing to cooperate.  He even sent an e-mail to all his phlebotomists letting them know that I was coming and what I would be asking for.  When I arrived with my requisition form in hand that PPVI had mailed to me, the phlebotomist said, "Oh, you're the girl we got an e-mail about," and she pointed to a printed copy of the e-mail.  What great service.  :)  I was impressed.  They made copies of the requisition form (which is marked as a "standing order" since I need the same P+7 labs each month) and keep in them in a file with the other frequent customers.

Now every time I go, after the staff person retrieves a copy of my requisition form from the file cabinet, I remind him/her that I'm the special case where my blood will be mailed to a different lab.  I rarely get the same phlebotomist, so I point out the written directions and make sure they understand before my blood goes to the lab for centrifuging.  The lab ladies do know the drill by now, and they even remember my name.  (I met them last month when the phlebotomist wanted me to go back to the lab to make sure everything was going to be done correctly.)

When I first started using my current hospital lab for this, they would ship the blood to PPVI for me.  Because it was not a standard request, they didn't know how to bill me, so they didn't charge me at all.  Then the lab manager decided I should be charged (and I agreed), so they did figure out how to bill me a set fee.  After quite a while doing this (maybe a year?), the lab manager decided that the lab was no longer capable of mailing my blood to PPVI.  I have no idea what changed.  They gave me two options:  have the blood analyzed locally or mail the blood myself.  So now after my blood is drawn, I wait for the lab to centrifuge the blood and separate out the serum.  They hand the tube of serum to me, and I mail it at the post office.  I am very spoiled, but they do not charge me for the blood draw or for the centrifuging.

The specific tests you are having done determine whether you can ship the blood at room temperature or whether it needs to be shipped while frozen.

Here are the different colored tubes the phlebotomist
could use. Make sure red is used. (source)

NOTE:  For the routine P+7 progesterone and estradiol, the phlebotomist only needs to fill one red top tube with your blood, not two.







How to ship blood at room temperature

For these tests:  progesterone, estradiol, prolactin, FSH, LH, HCG, and DHEA

As long as the blood will reach PPVI within 5 days, it is okay to send it without anything to keep it cold.

1.  Pick up your blood sample from the lab.  It takes a half hour or so for my blood to be centrifuged by the lab after it is drawn, so I usually just wait in the waiting area.  When you receive your blood, make sure the tube contains a yellow liquid, not red.  (One time my lab gave me a tube of red blood.  I handed it back to them and said it's supposed to be yellow (the serum).  They apologized for forgetting to separate out the serum and took it back to correct it.)

2.  Put the tube of yellow serum in a ziploc bag.  My lab gives it to me in a ziploc bag with a biohazard symbol on it. 

3.  Put that ziploc bag in a second ziploc bag.  I use a sandwich bag.  Also fold up a paper towel (or some other absorbent material like cotton balls) and put that in the bag as well.  The idea is that the paper towel should be large enough to absorb all the serum if it were to leak out.  The post office requires that the tube of serum be in two "containers" in addition to the mailing envelope, hence the two ziploc bags.

Sometimes my lab used to give me my serum in two
ziploc bags.  I didn't put the paper towel in the bag yet.

4.  Put the bundled up serum in a padded mailing envelope.  Also include the blood draw order form.  Seal the envelope well.  I always use extra packaging tape.

5.  Mail the envelope.  I use the post office for mailing and have it sent as a regular first class parcel, which is the cheapest.  Sometimes the post office clerk asks if the package is liquid, perishable, hazardous, etc., and when you're mailing blood, the answer is yes.  Sometimes they ask further questions to make sure the blood is packaged securely.  I just tell them it is in two separate containers (in addition to the plastic tube holding the blood and in addition to the envelope).


How to ship blood frozen

For these tests:  thyroid, testosterone, and androstenedione

I have only done this twice, and somehow it managed to work out for me.  This is what I did:

1.  Pick up your blood sample from the lab.  It takes a half hour or so for my blood to be centrifuged by the lab after it is drawn, so I usually just wait in the waiting area.  When you receive your blood, make sure the tube contains a yellow liquid, not red.

2.  Put the tube of yellow serum in a ziploc bag.  Put the bag in your freezer for several hours.  (I left it there overnight one time.)  I did this to maximize the chance that the blood would still be cold when it arrived.

3.  Right before you're going to mail the blood, take the bag with serum out of the freezer.  Put it in a second ziploc bag (size of a sandwich bag) along with a folded piece of paper towel or enough cotton balls to absorb all the serum if it leaked.

4.  Put the filled ziploc bag in a large (gallon-sized) ziploc bag.  Also put two ice packs in the large bag.  Seal the bag.

I used two of these ice packs.  The label says it's a "long lasting ice pack."
  The business card next to it is to show scale.

5.  Put the large bag containing the blood and ice packs in a small box.  The box I used was smaller than the size of a shoe box.  Put the blood draw order form in a separate ziploc bag (so it is protected from getting wet) and add that to the box.  Seal the box well with packaging tape.

6.  Mail the box using overnight shipping.  Use UPS or FedEx or some other company.  Don't use the post office because it might not be delivered the next day as requested.

My experience with FedEx
The second time I mailed frozen blood I went to a FedEx store at 5:00 pm.  I had my blood in a small box, but I didn't seal the box in case they preferred that I use a standard FedEx box.  I brought packaging tape and scissors along in case they said I could use my own box.  The store manager said they were not allowed to ship hazardous/infectious things or even sell me the postage/mailing label for my box.  (Technically, blood isn't considered infectious—unless you do have an infection, which I don't—but the fact that it was blood made the manager nervous.)  He said I was free to use the FedEx drop box outside.  He did give me a large clear plastic-like FedEx bag ("clinical pak"), so I taped up my box, put it into the bag, and sealed it.  I filled out a mailing label complete with credit card number and stuck it to the outside of the bag. They would bill me when they picked it up.  I chose next day delivery by late afternoon.  I put it in the drop box.  According to online tracking, the package arrived at PPVI before noon the next day, several hours ahead of schedule.

My experience with the post office
I sent DH to the post office to mail the box with my frozen blood.  It was first thing in the morning on a Tuesday.  It also happened to be the day of a predicted snowstorm, but the post office clerk still said the box would arrive in Omaha the following afternoon.  The receipt even said "guaranteed delivery" the next day.  We had a tracking number.  On Thursday morning, my box was sitting in a warehouse less than an hour from where we live.  It didn't leave my state until Thursday night.  I was upset.  I figured my blood would have been thawed by then and therefore useless.  Friday morning I called the PPVI lab to let them know the situation and asked that they not even do the thyroid tests.  I said I'd send them a new sample later.  Surprisingly the lab tech said my blood had just arrived and it was still cold, so she said they could still do the tests.  I later read online that others complained that the post office's "overnight shipping" was actually 2 or 3 days, so I learned it wasn't just the snow to blame.

If I had to mail blood frozen again, especially if it was summer, I'd prefer to use dry ice.  The lovely Wheelbarrow Rider is more of an expert on shipping with dry ice, and she said you can check the phonebook to try to find a local place to buy some.

A little medical mistake

On the plus side, the medicine I'm taking to reduce my prolactin level (bromocriptine) is working.  Let's focus on the positives here.  :)

My prolactin level rechecked last week was 1 ng/ml.  That's pretty low.  Maybe a tad too low... (goal is under 10; I started at 60)

The endocrinologist mailed me a letter with the result.  She said I should reduce my dose from taking the medicine twice a day to once a day.  I passed the information along to Dr. K.  Apparently there was a bit of a miscommunication when the medication was called into my pharmacy.  This reduced dose is actually what my starting dose was supposed to be.  Ooops.  Dr. K thought the mistake happened because the order was given verbally to the pharmacy instead of in writing.  Also the pharmacist maybe thought there was a mistake with Dr. K's order because it meant I had to cut each pill in half since it doesn't come in smaller doses (which is exactly what she intended).

So I started at double the typical initial dose...  That might explain the crazy side effects I had on the first day or so and the ongoing random bouts of dizziness.  (I almost fainted at Mass last week for the second time.)  I'm glad nothing worse happened.  I hope with this lower dose the dizziness goes away.

The prolactin medicine and/or whatever caused my TEBB to disappear (this is the second cycle without TEBB in a row!) is having a great effect on my hormones.  My P+7 values have been in the normal range for a long time, thanks to low-dose Clomid and post-peak HCG.  However, my P+7 results from last cycle—the first cycle on bromocriptine and no TEBB—set a new personal record.  They pretty much blew all previous months out of the water.

	Last cycle	Goal	My typical value	My previous high
Estradiol	53	>12	30	40
Progesterone	73	>13	20	58

So no TEBB = very happy hormones. If this keeps up, I wonder if Dr. K will have me stop the Clomid?  Now if only this would lead to a pregnancy...  :)