Post-surgery outlook

I'm in the middle of my first new cycle since surgery.  I'm kind of glad that we're avoiding this cycle--I'm not sure my body knows what it's doing.  First there was a "peak day" on day 11, which is quite early for me.  The mucus buildup was six days, a normal length, but it wasn't great quality.  So I thought, okay, short cycles happen.  I've never had one, but I suppose there's a first time for everything.  Now I'm a few days past where I normally peak, and I've had three days of spotting.  I'm waiting for either a double peak, which would make this my longest cycle ever, or for my period to come soon, which would make this my shortest cycle ever.  It's all rather bizarre.  On the plus side, I only had four days of TEBB this cycle, so that's a mild improvement from pre-surgery cycles.

Dr. K prescribed Flagyl for DH and me.  We've both taken it before, and it didn't help the TEBB.  I was about to call and ask why we should take it again, but I decided to just take it because it is supposed to be good for treating the bacteria I have (Gram positive rods).  At this point I'm ready to go down the list of reasonable antibiotics that work against Gram positive rods until I'm pregnant or we exhaust the list.  I'm all cleaned out inside (endo, adhesion, and fibroid-wise) so this may be the best chance we've had to conceive, and I want to make the most of this time.  DH still doesn't want to do an IV so that's not on the table at this point.

I'm also trying to eliminate sugar from my diet.  Dr. K had recommended that several months ago, but I dragged my feet starting it because I didn't think I could do it right before Thanksgiving and Christmas.  (I first started eating gluten-free and dairy-free the week before Thanksgiving that year, and it wasn't a very wise decision.)  I really don't eat that much sugar on a regular basis, but the few times I do (my favorite peanut butter, for example) are proving very difficult to give up.  I figure that if I write it here, maybe it'll keep me more accountable or motivate me.  I did manage to wean myself off of sweetened almond milk before Christmas, and now I don't mind the taste of the unsweetened stuff, so that's some progress.  I don't know if I'll be able to survive Easter without anything sweet (besides fruit), but I guess I'll try.  There may be a brief consumption of the two gluten-free/dairy-free dark chocolate candy bars that are in our pantry now, but otherwise I'll try really hard.  :)

I was looking back at the time after my first surgery two years ago, and I realized I wasn't taking very many meds (naltrexone, fish oil, HCG, and B6).  Since then quite a bit has been added (see my right side bar if you're curious).  Obviously the uterine infection still needs to be treated, but I'm hoping the rest of my current meds and supplements are pushing me closer toward a healthy reproductive system that could be able to conceive.

I guess I'm hopeful in the sense that we're doing what we can medically to optimize our chances, and if God wills it, we'll get pregnant.  But if He has some other plan for us, I'm going to trust that it will be for our good.  Do I expect that I'll get pregnant?  Honestly, no.  But thankfully God doesn't need me to expect to get pregnant in order to make it happen.  I will gladly be shocked if it happens.  I'm going to do my best to take this one day or one cycle at time and not try to look too far ahead.  I know our TTC clock is being reset to zero after surgery, and with NaPro they would encourage trying for 12-18 effective cycles.  An effective cycle is a cycle that looks like a normal fertility cycle.  I don't think having TEBB counts as an effective cycle, so we may be at zero for a while until the TEBB and infection are treated.  I'm okay with that.

Maybe because it's been over 3.5 years of TTC, but I'm really not in a rush or anxious to conceive.  Yes, I wish that we had conceived already, but being impatient isn't going to make it happen any faster.  Maybe it's just one of those IF survival skills you learn after you've tried the opposite tactic for so long.  Maybe it's saying to God, "I'm tired and my way of handling things isn't bringing any peace."  Maybe it's acceptance of the cross after carrying it for so long.  Maybe it's giving up the illusion that I have (any) control enough to let God's grace in.  Maybe it's all of the above.

Nearly normal

It's been four weeks since surgery.  I'm feeling good.  I'd say I'm 95% back to normal.  I can't bend forward all the way to touch my toes but I can pick something up off the ground if I lower myself to a squat first.  It's nice not to have to use my feet to pick up things I drop.  I do recommend practicing that with your feet; it's a good skill to have.  :)  I never realized how often I drop things, especially socks, until it became a challenge to get my hand to the floor.  Cell phones are a bit tricky to pick up with feet, but manageable.  Pill bottles and water bottles are a lost cause.

I haven't taken any pain medicine since last Friday.  Yay!  My "big" scar does still ache on and off, but it's not too bad.  It protests quite a bit when I try to lie flat on my stomach but I can get by without doing that for now and just sleep on my side.

I am happy to report that my toenails are now a lovely shade of bright pink.  I thought that for my surgery two years ago I remember them saying that I couldn't have any nail polish on, so I went into this surgery with naked toenails even though I didn't see that in my instructions.  Painted toenails make me happy even if no one else sees them (and even if I'm wearing socks all day), so mine are pretty much always red or pink.  For the first two and a half weeks after surgery there was no way I could reach my toes, so it's sort of a recovery milestone that I can do that again.  :)

I'm somewhat disappointed that my first period after surgery was almost as painful as it was just before surgery.  It wasn't bad enough to require ibuprofen, but after almost three weeks of prescription-strength ibuprofen I preferred to tough it out rather than subject my stomach to more abuse.  I'm hoping the pain was at least a little related to being post-surgery and that next cycle will be better.

Surgeon follow up

I had a phone appointment with Dr. E today. Normally it's an in-person visit but since I'm a long-distance patient, she wasn't going to make me drive all that way. I did have to e-mail her pictures of my five incisions so she could see how they're healing.

She reviewed the surgery results with me. She said the lactobacillus found on culture was likely a contaminant from the vagina, so my aerobic bacteria culture was essentially negative. The Gram positive rods on the anaerobic culture were not a contaminant and will have to be treated. She said drugs of choice would be Flagyl or Clindamycin. DH and I have been on Flagyl before, and it didn't help my TEBB. It was the IV Clindamycin that eliminated my TEBB for one cycle last summer, but Dr. E pointed out that DH wasn't treated which probably explains the return of TEBB. I'm not sure that I want to do another IV for ten days, and DH definitely doesn't want to do it. I wonder if Dr. K would consider giving us oral Clindamycin, knowing that she doesn't normally prescribe it due to risk of C. difficile infection (very bad infection).

So the plan is to wait one more full cycle before TTC again so I can heal. We'll see what Dr. K's recommendations are in my next cycle review.

In other news, I took my last opioid yesterday, and I will resume the naltrexone tonight. DH is excited.

More recovery and culture results

The doctor wasn't kidding when she said it would be a two-week recovery. I am trying to keep that in mind. It's tough though because I have periods where I feel back to normal and then when the pain returns or I can't move a certain way or I still have to walk really slowly I'm surprised by it (when I shouldn't be surprised...because it hasn't been two weeks yet). I guess they are good reminders to continue to take it easy. :)

Little improvements toward normal make me happy. I am able to put on socks (creatively) without pain and without bending forward. My urge to urinate finally returned yesterday, 11 days after surgery. There was much rejoicing. I don't remember other people talking about that post-surgery so I thought I'd mention it. It feels very strange to lose that function and have to remember every few hours to go to the bathroom.

I am still taking prescription strength ibuprofen on a schedule, although I've stopped setting an alarm to take the middle-of-the-night dose. I take the opioid as needed--especially for when I go out in public. I went out to run errands with DH on Saturday, and it was so nice to have a change of scenery, although by the end I was ready to use one of those motorized scooters. :) I went to Mass on Sunday and was able to sit, stand, and kneel along with everyone else, although more slowly. I couldn't genuflect though. The priest who gave me the Anointing of the Sick asked me how I was doing after Mass; it was nice that he remembered. It was my first Mass since surgery. I was able to watch Mass online while I was not feeling so great, including Pope Benedict's last public Mass on Ash Wednesday. It was bittersweet. I'm going to miss him. :(

DH is doing a great job taking care of me. Acting as a nurse does not come naturally to him, so I am really thankful for all he has done. He has told me multiple times that if it were him having surgery, he would just want to be left alone as much as possible, so I know this is requiring a lot of extra patience from him. He does like to feel helpful though so I think he was a little disappointed when I no longer needed him when getting out of bed or up from the reclining chair. ;)

The bad part about recovery now is that I am post-peak and PMSing. (Apparently major surgery isn't enough stress for my body to have a double peak or even a delay...) When you're taking opioids, you can't take naltrexone because they cancel each other out. The surgeon asked me to discontinue the naltrexone a week before surgery to make sure the anesthesia worked properly, so I've been off of it for almost three weeks. I am currently alternating between extreme crabbiness and crying. I can take HCG tonight so that should help some, whenever it kicks in.

The surgeon sent me a big packet of papers (everything that she faxed to Dr. K at PPVI) with most of my surgery results, including op report, pathology report, and all culture results to date. Very interesting reading. :) The fungus results won't be finalized for a month, unless they are positive, which means they would be ready sooner. They let it sit for a month before declaring that there is no fungus.

The part I was excited about was the bacterial culture results. They were positive! It's not normally something to be excited about but it's something to try to treat that might be a factor in our IF. (I'd rather know what's wrong and have the doctor try to fix it than have everything come out normal and have no where to start with treatment ideas...not that my preferences have any weight or influence of course.) ;) Anyway, I had lactobacillus and multiple Gram positive rods (specific anaerobic bacteria were not listed). I wonder how many antibiotics it's going to take to wipe out these bugs. Given how many antibiotics I've been on in the past few years, I might have some pretty tough (resistant) bacteria living in my uterus. Bacteria, your days are numbered!! :)

Surgery results and recovery

My surgery was scheduled for noon on Friday, and I was supposed to arrive at ten.  I woke up with only enough time to shower and get ready so I wouldn't have extra time to be nervous or hungry.  When we got to the hospital I made a short visit to the chapel, which had a tabernacle.  A little time with Jesus was just what I needed.  I love Catholic hospitals.  :)  Shortly after checking in, a nurse took me back to the pre-op room.  DH was asked to stay in the waiting area.  They gave him a pager so they could notify him when I was ready.  I changed into a pretty lavender gown and some fashionable hospital booties.  The nurse made sure I was comfortable on the bed and covered my legs with a heavy blanket to keep me warm.  Then she connected a hose to my gown and turned on a machine.  My gown had a lining which could be filled with hot air.

This is not me. I was not quite that smiley. That is the same gown as I had. The inflated
gown added 100 or so pounds to my profile so that part of the picture is accurate.

The nurse explained that if a patient is warm, it improves circulation and helps with healing.  I had a hand-held control to adjust if I wanted to sweat like I was in a sauna or just be pleasantly toasty.

The nurse started an IV and asked me a bunch of questions about my medical history and medications.  She said Dr. E wins the award for longest surgery consent form because of all the procedures (and possible procedures) she planned to do.  After she finished, Dr. E stopped by to see if I had any last minute questions.  She prayed over me while holding my hand, and the nurse held my other hand.  I was so touched by this that I cried a few silent tears. Then Dr. E taped a plastic rosary to my hand that had been blessed by Pope Benedict XVI.

She told me she had already prayed a rosary for me and that she was hoping to stop in the chapel for a few minutes before surgery.  I may or may not have cried a few more tears...I was in a very emotional state.  Plus, it's not every day that your doctor tells you she's praying for you.  :)

After Dr. E left, the nurse brought DH back to the room.  A few other people streamed in to ask me the same questions over and over again (do you have any metal in your body, did you eat anything this morning, why are you here, etc.).

The anesthesiologist's visit was interesting.  He started off asking similar questions to everyone else and then started to go through my medication list.  He got to naltrexone and made a funny look.  He asked why I was on it (knowing it's usually used for alcohol or drug addiction).  I said it's for PMS and that it works great.  He raised his eyebrows and said he'd never heard of it being used that way before, which is how every non-NaPro doctor I've ever met has reacted.  I waited for him to move on to the next medication but he paused and then proceeded to ask me what my PMS symptoms were, what the naltrexone changed about them, and what dose I started at.  I joked that he should be asking DH, who was sitting next to me.  DH said I was a different person while on it.  The doctor apologized for getting side-tracked but said he was personally interested in the details...for his wife, who apparently has bad PMS.  I told him to talk to Dr. E about getting naltrexone for his wife.  I think he's going to!  He seemed pretty excited about it.

Then he got serious again and said that I need a second IV in my other arm.  I'm not a big IV fan, and I was happy not to have passed out during the first one.  The nurse hadn't done the second one because she thought it could be done in the OR during surgery if and when Dr. E decided to switch from regular laparoscopy to robotic.  (It would only be needed if she did robotic surgery.)  The anesthesiologist wanted it done beforehand just in case.  And I was hoping to avoid another needle...  Either they forgot this plan or changed their minds because I didn't get the second IV while I was awake.  They gave me something in my IV to "take the edge off" and started to wheel my bed to the OR.  We turned a corner in the hallway and that's all I remember until I woke up after surgery.  For my surgery two years ago I remember being awake in the OR for a few minutes while they prepped me.

After surgery when I woke up all I wanted was ice.  My mouth was really dry.  I also asked for something in case I threw up.  My stomach was feeling okay, but I remembered my prior reaction to anesthesia wearing off and wanted to be on the safe side.  They gave me two bags, and I set them next to me on the bed.  I dozed off and woke up in a private room.  DH was sitting next to me.  He gave me a constant supply of ice chips and made sure the washcloth on my forehead stayed cold.  (I was burning up and in pain so a cold washcloth was helpful.)  He was a very good nurse.  :)

It was kind of obvious to me by now that I had had the robotic surgery and was looking at a two-week recovery.  I asked DH about my surgery.  He said it had taken five and a half hours.  That is a long surgery!  I wondered what Dr. E had to do while she was in there because my laparoscopy two years ago took under two hours, and the surgeon did most of the same procedures that Dr. E was going to do.  DH gave me a few details of what Dr. E found but he couldn't remember much, and he didn't record the conversation with Dr. E on his cell phone like was originally planned.  I would have to wait for the details...

DH left around 10:00 p.m. to go back to the hotel, so I decided to watch tv to distract me from the pain.  Besides having a bunch of tubes coming out of my arms and a catheter you-know-where, I had large cuffs around my calves that inflated every 45 seconds. (I timed it...what else did I have to do while lying there?)  ;)  At one point a nurse came in to take my vitals, including blood pressure.  She put the cuff on my arm, and I couldn't figure out why she didn't just use the cuffs on my legs...until it dawned on my that I didn't have blood pressure cuffs on my legs.  (My mental capacity was not 100% as you can tell.)  I asked what the cuffs on my legs were.  She said they help prevent blood clots.

This is not me.  These leg cuffs inflated every 45 seconds
all night long.  It was a long night.

The nurse came in every once in a while to ask my pain level or give me my usual medications.  I had brought my T3 in a pill box and not in the original bottle from the pharmacy so there was no way to verify what it was.  This was a problem.  The nurse said she would have to call the pharmacy to confirm that it was T3 before she could give it to me.  I knew Kubat's was closed for the day, but she still called.  She ended up giving it to me anyway.  I think she had spoken to Dr. E about it and maybe got permission from her.

Eventually I fell asleep but never stayed asleep for very long, probably not more than an hour at a time.  Sometimes the pain woke me up, but I could press a magic button and a nurse would appear with a pain pill for me to take.  A nurse or nursing assistant came in periodically to take vitals or do other things that required me to be awake.  One came to draw blood.  I don't remember why she needed blood but it was around 2:00 a.m.  In my exhausted state I asked her why she couldn't use one of my IVs to draw the blood.  (One IV was my pain medication lifeline, but the other was not in use.)  She said the IV would clog up if she did that, so she had to poke her own hole.  At 6:00 a.m. a nurse came to remove my catheter.  I couldn't feel it while it was in, which was nice.  (I was not looking forward to having a catheter in at all.)  When she was putting gloves on, I realized that if she removed it, I would have to get up to go to the bathroom.  That prospect scared me, and I wished I could just keep the catheter for a while longer.  I had not been up out of the bed at all since surgery.  The removal part was over quickly.  The nurse said I needed to go to the bathroom in the next six hours.  When I did get up to go a few hours later, they gave me a pair of hospital underwear which I thought was quite comfortable.  (My own was in my overnight bag on the chair a mere six feet away, but the nurse didn't want to go through my stuff to get it, and I was in no shape to do it either.)  She asked if I had slippers--which I did, in my off-limits bag--so she went to the other side of the room to get me hospital sock slippers.  It ended up being a good thing that I used hospital-provided slippers...I may have had to throw them out if they had been my slippers because they can't go in the washer...

DH arrived after I was all settled back in bed and had eaten some breakfast, my first food in over 24 hours.  Dr. E came later to check on my progress and to tell me what happened with the surgery.  She found endo, which she estimated to be stage II, in three different locations (one location had multiple spots of endo).  She said she was not surprised at all that I had painful periods given the endo she found.  She thought that they were all new locations, not recurrences from two years ago, but she said she'd have to check my files to be sure.  One of the locations was on one of my ureters, and apparently it was very tedious and tricky to remove.  I did have endo on a ureter two years ago which the resident assisting my surgeon was afraid to touch (but the surgeon removed it anyway).  Maybe endo on ureters is always tricky?  She said she looked extra closely at both my ovaries but could not find any endo.  (My ultrasounds from last year showed a shadow on my left ovary that could have been endo.)  She knew about one fibroid ahead of time that was sticking off of the top of my uterus, but she found two new fibroids.  One of the new fibroids had adhesions around it, so she removed all of that, along with the endo.  She had to make one incision larger in order to remove one fibroid, so she said I'll be extra sore there.  She also found adhesions near my large intestine (not far from the appendix) but she had no explanation for why they were there.  She didn't think they were from my first surgery because of the out-of-way location, and she also didn't think they were from a missed case of appendicitis.  She didn't remove those adhesions because she didn't think they'd affect fertility where they were.

She did a selective hysterosalpingogram (SHSG) and said the pressure in both my tubes was normal and that they were completely open.

She did a hysteroscopy to look around inside my uterus and found endometrial stippling (little white dots) and micropolyps--otherwise known as endometritis.  She took biopsies and cultures of the cervix and endometrium but we won't know the culture results for a month.  (It takes that long to see if the bugs grow or not.)  She is pretty sure infection is the cause of the endometritis, but the question remains if we'll be able to identify the bug, even with the cultures.  Honestly I am hoping that something with the cultures comes back positive, otherwise we may go back to blindly picking an antibiotic.  We've never tried Biaxin, which Dr. E was surprised to learn, so that would be a logical place to start.

Since I passed all the requirements (walked, urinated, passed gas, etc.), Dr. E said I could go home right away.  I was happy to leave the hospital but I did enjoy having IV pain meds controlling most of the pain.  She sent me home with a prescription for an opioid and ibuprofen and said to take both on a schedule at first to stay ahead of the pain.  She also didn't want me sitting in the car for more than two hours at a time, so we'd have to stop for a short walk on the way home.

The car ride home wasn't bad (aside from the fact that I felt awful and wanted to be in bed).  I had a small pillow between me and the seat belt to cushion any bumps along the road.  We stopped at a pharmacy along the way to pick up my prescriptions and ended up having to wait over an hour for them.  I slept most of the time.

Recovery has been going pretty well.  Since being home my appetite is close to normal.  The first day or two DH brought me my meals in bed, but now I can sit at the kitchen table.  I can usually get out of bed without assistance but DH stands there to make sure I don't fall (and it's less painful when he helps).  I can walk but I move very slowly.  My sleep quality at night is improving--either because I'm in less pain or because I'm getting used to sleeping on my back--so I'm not napping as much as the first couple days home.  The pain is not usually too bad except when it's between doses, so I have alerts on my phone going off to remind me which pain pill to take.  My incisions are starting to itch like crazy.  I had to cough yesterday, and I thought I was going to split open because of the pressure it put on my incisions.  Not fun.  I don't plan to cough anymore if I can help it...or hiccup, sneeze, or laugh.  I told DH he's not allowed to say anything funny for two weeks.  He made me laugh once which really hurt, so said he'd try really hard to say only boring things.  I have periods of time where I feel almost normal...and then I get up off my reclining chair to walk around, and the pain returns.  So as long as I don't move I'm fine.  ;)  Okay, that's not always true--I do have pain while sitting also...like now.  :(  Lots to offer up for Jellybelly.

Brief surgery results

Dear readers,
This is polkadot's DH with an update from today's surgery. The surgeon had to use robotics in order to remove patches of endometriosis, adhesions, fibroids and polyps. She is spending the night in the hospital and will be on her way home tomorrow. Prayers for a speedy recovery are welcome!
DH

Getting ready for surgery

My surgery is this afternoon.  I don't feel too nervous, which is a blessing.  The thing that is making me a bit nervous is the fact that I won't know until I wake up what kind of surgery was done and how long my recovery will be (few days vs. 2 weeks).  I was really starting to get anxious about everything on Saturday.  Then on Sunday I received the Anointing of the Sick and all the anxiety melted away (and stayed away since then!).  My parish priest was really concerned that I was asking for the sacrament (I don't think it's too often that he administers it to a younger person).  He said some really kind and comforting things to me and assured us of his prayers.

Getting ready for surgery has been similar to last time--don't eat anything the day of, don't use deodorant, etc.  This time I had to shower with a special antiseptic soap.  Last time it was a water-only shower (no soap at all).  It's interesting to see the differences between hospitals.  The bowel prep wasn't too bad.  I just had to drink a bottle of magnesium citrate.  It takes like Smarties (the candy) dissolved in water.

I'll update when I am feeling up to it.  :)  Please pray that everything goes well.

Everything since Christmas

1. Before I start with my updates, I'd like to say thank you so much to all of you who prayed for those of us still waiting during Advent as part of the spiritual bouquet. (Yes, that was a month ago.) It's so easy to feel forgotten by those who have moved on into the world of motherhood and whose IF blogs have become mommy blogs. Your prayers and sacrifices were so touching and very much appreciated.

2. After some tough few weeks of Advent, I ended up having a fairly joyful Christmas (as much as possible anyway, considering the circumstances). It was nice to spend time with my grandma. She made way too much food as usual and wouldn't accept anyone's help as usual. :) None of the relatives asked us about having kids, which was nice. I wonder if they think we're not going to have kids given that we've been married for so long. One of my cousins got married last summer, and I admit I was quite relieved (maybe too relieved) to see his wife with an alcoholic drink in her hand. Family gatherings are usually my "IF safe space"--there are no babies and no pregnant women. The only children are school-aged, and my only married cousin announced they were "done" as soon as she was pregnant with their second child, who is now six years old.

3. New Year's Eve was not an IF safe space. We went to a party with friends. There were babies being passed around and multiple pregnant ladies. I had a pleasant (to the outside observer) conversation with a very visibly pregnant friend about maternity dresses and how well they fit. I felt so fake asking questions and pretending to be interested so she'd never know it was killing me inside. I really just wanted to run to the bathroom and cry. Oh, I forgot to mention AF arrived 10 minutes before we left for the party. I was in an unhappy mood (to put it mildly) most of the night, especially since I had gotten my hopes up more than usual because my post-peak phase was a day and a half longer than normal. So I was mad at myself for hoping and mad at AF for appearing when she did. Thankfully DH understood when I wanted to leave five minutes after midnight.

4. A curious thing happened on my chart this cycle, and I'm wondering what might have caused it. I had significantly less TEBB. Usually when I have it, it's present all day long and in large amounts (ewwww), but this cycle it was just a little bit once or twice each day and much lighter in color. Technically I only had two days of TEBB this cycle, compared to seven days last cycle. I did have two other days mid-cycle with a single occurrence of brown, but they were not directly after AF.

There were several things different that may have caused this change. I spent the last two weeks of the previous cycle visiting family for Christmas and New Year's, in a different part of the country from where we live. I think I ate more healthy foods while traveling--and more food in general--but I also completely overdosed on sugar. "Overdosed" is not an exaggeration. My family made multiple batches of cookies and other addictive tasty desserts just for me (with all my diet restrictions). There was a container labeled "polkadot's treats" (actually two containers) and a separate one with "treats for everyone else." I had not yet gone sugar free as Dr. K recommended--I was planning to do so after all the New Year's festivities. In my attempt to offset all the sugar, I took a probiotic twice a day without fail. (Normally at home I'm lucky if I remember to take a probiotic at all because I keep it in the fridge, so it's not in my pill box.) The probiotic is my best guess at what would have deceased my TEBB. I really haven't been diligent about taking it regularly since I had the IV antibiotics last summer when my TEBB disappeared for one cycle.

5. Another thing different about last cycle was that it was the first cycle at a slightly increased dose of Clomid (went from 25mg to 50mg on CD3-5). I had the best mucus I've ever seen. (My mucus cycle score, a way to rate the mucus quality, was the highest it's ever been. I looked through all my old charts to confirm this.) I took very little Mucinex or B6 that cycle...so much for Clomid drying up mucus! I also had breast tenderness from P+2 on which was quite a bit more painful than usual. I guessed that my body was responding well to the higher Clomid dose. My P+7 blood draw was not shipped to PPVI like normal because I was traveling, so it can't truly be compared to the PPVI values from previous cycles...however my progesterone was 43 and my estrogen was 32. Both were twice as high as the previous cycle. My body likes more Clomid. :) This cycle the breast tenderness is really mild, so I think I might be back to my "normal" hormone levels.

6. Back in December I had received an e-mail from the surgery scheduler at PPVI saying that she would be contacting me in January about picking a date for my laparoscopy with Dr. K. When I received a phone call to schedule my surgery, I was quite surprised that it was from Dr. E's office, the NaPro surgeon who is a few hours from here. It turns out that she had openings in her schedule much sooner than originally expected. When I had my appointment with her in November, she had estimated February or March, but when I later spoke with the scheduler, it was going to be a longer wait. Upon learning that, Dr. K at PPVI offered to do the surgery, so DH and I agreed because we didn't want to wait. But now since Dr. E had openings in February, we're going with her. Interestingly, Dr. K's scheduler called the day after Dr. E's scheduler called. Dr. K's scheduler was aware of the situation and was very happy to hear that Dr. E could do the surgery because she knew we much preferred to have it done closer to home.

So my surgery is Friday, February 8th with Dr. E. That's next week!!! I am excited that is it so soon and that we can drive there. I have a pre-op appointment and blood work the day before, so we'll stay overnight that night. My surgery is at noon. Dr. E will start with a regular laparoscopy, and if there's endo in hard-to-reach places or a lot of it, she'll switch to a robotic laparoscopy. If she switches to robotic, I'll spend that night in the hospital and have a two week recovery. If she stays with the regular laparoscopy, I'll spend that night in the hotel with DH and have only a few days of recovery. After my surgery two years ago it took a full week to get back to feeling close to normal, but Dr. E thinks a lot of that had to do with my uterine septum reduction. (I am very curious to learn how things look inside my uterus now...) She said a weekend would probably be enough recovery time for a typical laparoscopy. Without going into details of why I was having surgery, I explained the situation to my boss that I might be out for up to two weeks or it could be less. (I didn't say that I might be back the Monday after surgery though...) He was really understanding and said to take whatever time off I need.

7. Besides the laparoscopy, Dr. E is going to do the following: biopsies and cultures of the endometrium and cervix, selective hysterosalpingogram (she'll also clean out the fallopian tubes if they're blocked), and hysteroscopy.

8. I've started making a list of things to take along on the trip for after the surgery since we won't be home until the following day. Normally I'd be packing a lot of food for an overnight road trip, but if it's anything like last surgery, I was too nauseous to eat much for about a day. And I'm on a liquid-only diet the day before surgery, so that limits my options. I'm trying to remember what I used last time or had just in case...so far I have a pillow for the car, heating pad, sweat pants, etc. If I would be spending the night in the hospital, any advice for what I might want to have with me?

9. I'm glad I wasn't given that much advance notice of my surgery date because it's less time to be worried about what the surgeon might possibly find. I have this fear in the back of my head that the inside of my uterus is all scarred up from the septum removal, and Dr. E will say our TTC days are over. Irrational, yes, but isn't most fear like that? ;) I'm also a bit scared that she'll find absolutely nothing wrong--no endo, etc. That I think is less likely because my ultrasound series from last year showed a shadowy area on my left ovary suspicious for endo. I guess I want to know whatever it looks like inside. Any info will be helpful going forward.

March for Life

It was incredible.  The size of the crowd.  All the enthusiastic young people.  Priests, bishops, seminarians, and nuns everywhere.  500,000 or more pro-life people all in the same place.  You'd never know by looking at their faces that it was 25 degrees and snowing.

Well, okay, maybe these people look a bit cold.

Wall-to-wall people as far as you could see.

Note to self:  If carrying a sign in the future, make it double-sided.

The only people not happy were the police.  They seemed very stern, almost angry.  Maybe they were intimidated by the large crowd?  It was the nicest, friendliest crowd I've ever been a part of...  One policeman yelled at DH (to get off the ledge) while he was taking this picture.  It was my fault--I asked him to stand up there.  :)  I figured it would be okay because others were sitting on the ledge...

Beforehand I wondered how I'd react during the March in light of our infertility.  I thought I might be extra sensitive or emotional, but I wasn't**.  I actually managed to forget that I was infertile most of the day and just focused on what was going on around me.  It probably didn't hurt that I was at one of my more stable parts of the cycle (early/mid-post peak).  ;)

**The one exception, which I don't think had anything to do with IF, was when I started sobbing while walking by a display set up on the sidewalk showing pictures of unborn babies, both living and dead.  It was the only time and place during the March where I saw them.  (Everywhere else the pictures were of cute living babies.)  I've seen pictures of aborted babies before; years ago as part of training to volunteer at a crisis pregnancy center, they had us watch a few videos with them.  I think I cried back then during those videos also.  I understand the arguments both for and against showing graphic images in public, and normally I might lean toward not showing them, but in that moment on Friday, I was glad that I saw them.  Not that I had been complacent about abortion, but it just convicted me deeply that this is what we want to end.  It took me a minute to compose myself though; I really didn't want to spend the rest of the March crying.

The most moving part of the March for me was just after we turned the corner of the last block before the Supreme Court, where the March ended.  There was a line of people standing along the sidewalk from Silent No More holding signs like, "I regret my abortion" or "I regret lost fatherhood."  I really admired their courage.  Some of them also spoke to the crowd in front of the Supreme Court and gave their testimony of how they had been hurt by abortion.

I didn't have very many expectations ahead of time, but I did assume there would be counter-protesters.  I remember in previous media coverage of the March, they liked to show pictures of the counter-protestors, often more than the marchers themselves, so I half-expected there to be a lot of them lined up on the sidewalks yelling at the pro-lifers.  I was (pleasantly) shocked and relieved that I counted three pro-abortion signs in total (and no one else next to them without signs), and they were only in front of the Supreme Court.  Believe me, I was scouring the signs people were holding on the sidewalks as the rest of us walked by to see what their position was.

The March seemed to be over so quickly, but I guess it doesn't take that long to walk a mile, even in a huge crowd.  (If you stood in one place and watched everyone walk by, it would have been at least an hour and a half, maybe more than two hours.)  My fingers were starting to get cold at the end, otherwise I probably would have dragged DH back to the beginning and walked the route again.  :)

I definitely hope to attend the March for Life in the future, but I will keep praying that one day they won't have to hold it anymore.

Novena for the unborn

I'm a little late in posting this, but I wanted to share this novena that goes from January 14 to January 22, the anniversary of Roe v. Wade.  I think as IFers our prayers and sufferings offered for the unborn and for an end to abortion are especially powerful.  I sometimes think of the experience of IF as (unchosen) fasting for those who choose abortion.

Prayer for Life by Fr. Frank Pavone

God and Father of Life, You have created every human person and have opened the way for each to have eternal life. We live in the shadow of death.  Tens of millions of your children have been killed because of the Roe vs. Wade decision legalizing abortion.  Father, have mercy on us.  Heal our land and accept our offering of prayer and penance.  In your love for us, turn back the scourge of abortion.  May each of us exult in hearts full of hope and hands full of mercy and work together to build a culture of life.  We pray through Christ our Lord.  Amen.

I'm looking forward to attending the March for Life this year in DC.  I've wanted to go for a long time, and logistics finally worked out, so this will be my first time (DH's too).