The phone call

Earlier this year I received a phone call.  It was from DH, who was out of town attending a family reunion.  (I couldn't go because of work.)  We chatted briefly about the relatives he saw, and then his voice became very serious.

DH: Um, are you sitting down?  I need to tell you something.

I immediately thought the worst—like someone died or his mom's cancer returned.  I actually did sit down.

DH: You are going to be an aunt.

I was confused at first—none of our siblings are married.

Me: What do you mean?
DH: My older brother is having a baby.  Well, his girlfriend is.
Me:  Oh. Wow.

[Silence]  I sat there in complete shock with my mouth literally hanging open.

Me: I didn't know he was dating anyone.
DH:  I didn't either.  He met her a few months ago, I think.  They haven't been together very long.
Me:  Are they going to have the baby?
DH:  Oh, yes.  For sure.
Me:  Are they going to keep the baby?  Are they thinking about adoption at all?

I was thinking, "Oooh, we could adopt their baby!  Wait...what a weird situation that would be—raising your brother's biological child.  And we haven't even discerned adoption yet.  Okay, scratch that thought."

DH:  They will keep it.  You know how much my brother wants kids.
Me:  Are they taking about marriage at all?
DH:  Actually, yes, but there isn't a date.  They had to tell some of her relatives that they were engaged to keep peace in the family.  In the meantime, she's going to move into his house.

At some point during the conversation I started to cry.  I had a million thoughts racing in my head.  Why do they get to have a baby?  Why can't we?  It's not fair.  They knew each other for a few months at most before they got pregnant.  And now we're infertile, and they're having a baby.  We're supposed to be having the first grandchild, not them.  (It's scary how much I sound like the older brother in the prodigal son parable...being infertile brings out some pretty ugly thoughts.)

Then I realized:  their having a baby has nothing to do with my inability to have one.  This jealousy has no purpose except to make me bitter and anxious inside.  Fertility doesn't depend on whether you're married either...crazy thought.  No one can "earn" a baby...God doesn't work like that.  We should be thanking God they are letting this baby live.  And we should praise them for making the choice to let this baby live..that cannot have been an easy decision.

I've had a while to ponder this.  When I think about it now, it still hurts a little but I think it's mostly because it shines a spotlight on our infertility—reminding me that we can't have a baby so easily (or at all, at the moment), which makes me sad.  I'm trying to see the upside of the situation.  Here's what I came up with:

1.  They live far away, and we rarely see them (less than once a year), so I won't have to face them often.
2.  This might satisfy my mother-in-law's desire for grandchildren for a while, so hopefully she will stop asking DH when we're going to have kids.  DH told her there are some medical "issues" but hasn't been more specific.  You would think that would be enough for someone to back off the subject, right?  (especially given the fact that two of DH's married cousins—on my MIL's side—are infertile, so this is not new in their family...)  We shall see.
3.  I now have an excuse to peruse the baby aisles at stores.  I will still secretly wish it were for our own child, but this will do for now.  (Eh, who I am kidding?  I never needed an "excuse" to browse the baby aisles before.)  ;)
4.  I also have an excuse for a sewing project.  Or an inspiration for one.  More to come when it's finished.