10 things about DH and me

The how-we-met-and-got-engaged edition

1. It was love at first sight...sort of. Before we had our first conversation, we were sitting across the room from each other. I would look over at him and when his eyes met mine, I would look away, blushing. He was doing the same thing.

2. Our parish was placing an order for Theology of the Body CDs. I was organizing it. He ordered one just so he had an excuse to talk to me.

3. After some gentle nudging from a friend, I invited him to a dance sponsored by a group I was in because he told me he loved dancing and hadn't been to one in a while. It was NOT supposed to be a date...even though the attire was semi-formal, and you had to be invited by a member in order to attend. I told him to expect to dance with lots of different people—that's how the event was designed. In retrospect, it totally turned out to be a date, and we sort of bent the rules and didn't dance with (or talk to) other people.

4. He invited me for coffee (our "real" first date) the following week. I was 20 minutes late. He thought I was standing him up and was just about ready to leave.  :(

5. We went ring shopping after dating for 2.5 months. When you know, you know.  :)  He wrote down which ring I liked. I left the store slightly in shock.

6. Shortly after that, I kind of freaked out. I told him I wasn't thinking clearly when we went ring shopping and that we needed to go again so I could pick a different ring. I no longer liked the one I picked out. I was very insistent. I was prepared to tell him to return the ring if he had already bought it.  hahaha  :)

7. We went ring shopping again at 3.5 months. I picked out a ring that was a completely different style. I felt much better about the whole thing. He sent me out of the store so he could "talk" with the salesperson for a few minutes. After a half hour in the nearest department store, I began to wonder what was taking so long. I sat down in the mall's lounge chairs with a direct line of sight to the jewelry store. He was still there! When he finally came out, he looked really embarrassed. I didn't dare ask if he had bought the ring right then!!

8. A few weeks later he came over to my apartment after work. He left his work bag by the door and headed toward the bathroom. As the door was closing he said I could look in his bag if I wanted. I peeked in and saw a box from the jewelry store. Not what I was expecting to see!! I didn't think this was his way of proposing... When he came out, I said that he shouldn't tell me to look in his bag unless he was planning on proposing. He was confused. He thought I would want to just SEE the ring. He had no plan to propose that day.

9. He proposed six months after we started dating. It was probably closer to 5.5 months, but who's counting? ;) I knew exactly when and where he was going to pop the question. He is adorable, but he is not Mr. Subtle. ;) Two or so weeks ahead of time, he had asked if we could go for a walk (on a specific date) to a certain park nearby. That was an odd request. We never planned walks--we just went on them. He had no idea I had figured it out. :) I was really busy and running on little sleep the days before the planned walk, but I made an effort to look cute that day. I even painted my nails the night before knowing there would be pictures taken of my hand! (I rarely painted my nails.) Just in case he didn't believe me that I knew he was proposing that day, I wrote a journal entry about a half hour before he arrived and planned to show it to him later as proof. :) And I secretly slipped the camera into one pocket and my cell phone into the other pocket as we were leaving for the walk--neither of which I would have otherwise brought along. It was a beautiful fall day, so I stopped to take a picture of the foliage as we entered the park. When I lowered the camera from my eyes, he was down on one knee.  :)

10. After taking some pictures of ourselves (including the one below), we started calling family to share the good news. We reached no one! We tried calling a few friends. Still no one! We were dying to share our news but there was no one to share it with.   :(  Four hours later we finally reached someone (my mom).

Bonus #11: I couldn't bear to tell him that I knew he was going to propose on that date until about a month into the engagement. He was so disappointed when I told him. He thought he had me totally surprised. I felt horrible.  :(

The non-milestone

One year ago yesterday it was Good Friday.  I remember it more clearly than usual because that day was a milestone of sorts.  It was the kind of milestone I never wanted to mark.  Had we conceived during our first TTC cycle, the hypothetical baby's due date would have been April 2, Good Friday.  Way back then when we started TTC it was fun to calculate the baby's due date (since IF wasn't even remotely on my radar), so I did just that as soon as I hit the 2WW.  I may or may not have otherwise remembered the due date, but because it landed on Good Friday, it was hard to forget.  I remember thinking how beautifully symbolic it would be to go through the physical pain of labor on the same day that the Church recalls Our Lord's Passion knowing that great joy would soon follow.  But then AF burst that little bubble, and I tried to forget about it.  As cycle after cycle passed, it became a lot less fun to calculate due dates...  But when Good Friday arrived, I did remember the date's significance and decided it was a rather fitting day to mourn such a milestone and our inability to conceive by that point.

I don't remember exactly what the priest said during the homily that afternoon—the general topic was suffering—but I remember feeling like he was talking directly to me.  I suppose when you're in a raw, emotional state, anything a priest says in a homily on Good Friday is going to resonate with you.  At some point he said something about how Christ knows our pain when we go through suffering...and I lost it.  Oh, how I needed to hear those words.  (I still need to hear them today!)  Tears ran down my face, and I did my best to remain silent and suppress the sobs.  As silly as this sounds, I was so thankful to be wearing a black shirt so that the tear stains were not visible...

So when I glanced at the calendar yesterday, I remembered what the date meant to me last year.  I mentioned it to DH, and he was sweet and gave me a long hug.  Now that I think about it more, it does seem like a strange day to remember.  No baby ever existed (a non-baby?), so there could be no due date.  I guess you could call it a non-milestone.  And now that non-baby would be a year old.  As hard as IF is, it probably doesn't help my mental health to focus on dates like this too much.  I try not to dwell on the past but I admit I know exactly how many TTC cycles we've been through... 

I suppose that is the nature of IF—you define it in terms of how long you have tried and failed to conceive.  And along the way you mourn the loss of the child(ren) that never existed.  And you find comfort in knowing that you are not alone, that Jesus is right there with you, whether you can feel him or not.  And you offer up the pain knowing it will serve a greater purpose than we can know right now.  And amidst the tears, you dream of the day when your Easter Sunday comes, and you hope that it comes soon.

A letter to my uterus

It's a sad state of things when you feel inspired to address one of your organs, as if it would change anything.  Perhaps this is just one of the more strange effects of IF.

Dear uterus,

Your most recent behavior has me rather concerned.  Yes, I understand you have been through a lot with the septum removal.  And I know that balloon which kept you stretched out for four days afterward wasn't pleasant either.  (But it was for your own good—adhesions are the last thing either you or I want.)  On top of that, you were bombarded with high levels of estrogen for three weeks followed by a week and a half of progesterone.  It's enough to make anyone crazy, I know.  Really, I know.

However, all I needed you to do was cooperate like a good little end organ.  In response to the estrogen, you were supposed to produce a nice, thick endometrial lining and then wait for further instruction.  I will concede that you partially obeyed in the growth respect; this last week has made that rather obvious.  But you just couldn't wait until the end of the estrogen prescription—you decided to ramp up the bleeding so it mimicked a period.  Funny, it was right at the time my normal period would have come.  Was that your way of rebelling?  Trying to prove you can dominate over the artificial estrogen?  Was it revenge for how you were treated during and after surgery?

Then when I started progesterone, it appeared you were willing to cooperate after all—the bleeding stopped for a few days.  Perhaps you were temporarily forced into submission.  At that point I was ready to forgive you for jumping the gun during the estrogen treatment.  But that short reprieve from bleeding was just a teaser, right?  You still had to prove you were in charge.  Instead of waiting until AFTER the tenth day of progesterone to start the withdrawal bleed like the doctor said, you decided to start after just the sixth day.  Of course that coincided with date night when I was wearing my favorite skirt—the white one.  You are lucky—very lucky—that I am always prepared with supplies.  (Your behavior during my teenage years has made me forever paranoid.)  I naively assumed that it would be just a little spotting.  But, no, by the next day it was equivalent to period-type flow.  So was the next day.  And the two days after that.  I have to ask:  what is going on?  Why have you chosen to ignore the progesterone?  Did you get sick of being told what to do and decided you had enough?  Must I remind you that you are not the brain, and you don't get to call the shots?

This is really making me question your capabilities.  If I can't trust you to respond appropriately to simple hormone treatments, how can I trust you with bigger, more important functions?  It's time to shape up and take your job seriously.  (Please.)

Sincerely,
polkadot

New TTC timeline

I had my post-op appointment with Dr. C last week.  He went over the pathology report from surgery and told me that he had found stage II endometriosis.  Now I'm totally endo free.  :)

I learned that I misunderstood one of the discharge instructions...  When Dr. C went to look at my incisions, he was surprised to see all three of them covered with gauze and clear tape—just like he had left them on the day of surgery.  He asked if I had recovered them since then.  Umm, no...the nurse told us (so I thought) that I was not to touch the bandages; they would fall off over time.  I wasn't in any rush to see my new scars, so I obeyed.  Apparently, I was supposed to take the bandages off the day after surgery.  Oops.  Dr. C laughed a little and then proceeded to peel off the tape.  Ouch.  It would have been better if I had done that at home...  Everything is healing nicely though.  Instead of a visible scar for the middle incision, I pretty much have a new belly button.  It's sort of funny looking, in my opinion, because I was used to my old one, but I guess it will have to do.  ;)

Now I am to expect a withdrawal bleed (quasi period) after finishing the Provera.  I think my body started the withdrawal bleed early, but that's another story.  After my first normal cycle, which is projected to end about a month after the withdrawal bleed, we can TTC again.  That is assuming, of course, that my body goes back to normal cycles right away.  If we're not pregnant after six cycles, we'll recheck my hormone levels and go from there.  Sounds like a plan.  I like to have a plan.

I asked Dr. C if we could check my vitamin D and thyroid levels while we're waiting.  I've never had my vitamin D checked, and it's been over three years since my last thyroid level.  He agreed, but he wants it to be done when I'm back to normal cycles.  Fair enough.  I had been curious about my vitamin D since hearing a presentation on it at the FertilityCare conference last summer and figured now was as a good a time as any to have it checked.  :)  I've seen several articles that say most of the population is deficient, so we'll see how bad my level is.  I just might have to prescribe myself some time in the sun!

Unplanned Lenten sacrifice

Happy Lent!  The last few years I have really looked forward to the beginning of Lent.  I need the discipline.  I need to sacrifice.  I need to become less attached to material things.  This year is no different.  My Lenten resolutions are definitely challenging me so far, but I'm hopeful for the spiritual growth that might result.  :)  DH and I are sharing one (prayer-related) resolution, so it's nice to be able to do it together as a couple.

As for my post-surgery recovery, I think I finally stopped bleeding.  (I'm sure you all wanted to know that.)  ;)  It's been three weeks of mostly light with the occasional moderate day.  One of the nurses said some women bleed for four weeks after surgery, so I guess this is in the normal range.  I think starting Provera on Sunday may have something to do with it.  Starting the Provera means I'm done with the Premarin.  Hooray!!  DH and I were counting down the days until I finished that prescription.  The effects it had on my mood were not pretty.  I think in my last post I said it made me "slightly more irritable."  That was putting it mildly.  Things definitely got worse after that.  It was like I was looking in on myself, seeing rather intense negative emotions but feeling powerless to make them go away.  The smallest things would make me fuming mad.  I was aware that I was being completely irrational but couldn't do anything about it.  I'm sure the insomnia I had didn't help matters either.  Hopefully that is all behind me!  I do look forward to being done with these medications, but I suppose an infertile girl is never too far from more medications...  ;)

By the time I'm finished with the Provera, it will be four weeks since my surgery.  I had wondered back before surgery how long the doctor would want us to wait before TTC again.  I had hoped maybe it would be as soon as the Provera was done.  We weren't told on the day of surgery what our TTC timeline would be, but the discharge instructions did include this: no intercourse for six weeks.  That was a surprise.  It makes sense that my uterus needs to heal for a while after the "remodeling" (as I call it) that was done, but I wasn't expecting six weeks.  It's doesn't completely coincide with Lent, but the length of time is the same...would you call it fasting even if the doctor is making us do it?  ;)  In reality, I don't think it will be as hard as it sounds.  I suppose it's easy for me to say that now, right?  Only 2.5 weeks to go!  ;)

On the mend

Recovery from my surgery has been going well.  The incisions ache off and on, but it's pretty minor.  I can bend over (creatively) and pick something up from the floor.  I can get in and out of the car nearly pain-free.  Sneezing and coughing scare me (because they make me feel like my incisions are going to burst open), so I try to avoid those if possible.  ;)  After a doctor-ordered week in the passenger seat, it's nice to be able to drive again.  I still cringe a little driving over bumps in the road.  Maybe it's just that the seat belt is positioned right over my incisions...  I have a newfound love for recently paved roads.  :)

Somehow I managed by myself to take out the stent (balloon) that was keeping my uterus open (without passing out!).  It turned out to be no larger than a half-dollar in its deflated state.  Of course my uterus protested quite a bit at having to shrink back to its usual size requiring me to take both pain medications again.  It was very similar to what I felt after the endometrial biopsy, but it lasted a lot longer.  I should have known and premedicated!  Oh well.  Instead of going to a church-sponsored social event that night, we stayed in a watched a movie.  I love staying in—don't get me wrong—but I was a bit bummed to miss the event.  On the bright side, I woke up the next morning feeling FABULOUS.  Seriously, fabulous.

My ability to walk normally is improving.  We stopped at the grocery store after Mass on Sunday, and DH grabbed a shopping cart in the parking lot.  He said I could use it as a walker.  hahaha  I had been joking a few days prior that I needed a cane the way I was hobbling everywhere.

I am down to taking just one medication—Premarin (estrogen).  It seems to be making me slightly more irritable that usual, so I'm glad I only have a week and half left of it.  I also seem to be more aware of how DH smells, which is an odd observation, I know.  More precisely, I have been more repulsed than normal by how he smells when he comes home from work.  His workplace has an odd smell, so his clothes absorb whatever that smell is, and it's not so pleasant.  Yesterday when DH came home I couldn't stand to be near him as he greeted me because of his smell.  I immediately sent him away so he could change his clothes, which in retrospect is not the nicest thing a wife can do when her husband comes home after a long day.  Maybe it's similar to the phenomenon that when you take the bi.rth cont.rol pill, it changes the pheromones you're attracted to in a man—so much so that you become attracted to the opposite pheromones than you would have been when you are not on the pill.  It's fascinating stuff.  See this article for more info.  Is the estrogen changing my pheromone preferences??  I am trying to be extra affectionate with DH in an attempt to counteract this whole smell issue.  I've also been telling him that I love him, but not his pheromones.  ;)

Surgery details

A novel by polkadot

Here is all you ever wanted to know and more about my surgery experience.  You might want to get comfortable because this is long.  :)  I didn't sleep much the night before surgery.  We set multiple alarms to ensure that we woke up on time (in the middle of the night).  I totally expected to be a nervous wreck and possibly even nauseous...but amazingly I felt pretty calm when I woke up.  Praise God.  DH and I arrived at the hospital at 6:00 a.m.  They took me back to a room so I could change into a gown, non-slip socks, and a lovely pink surgical cap.  The nursing assistant covered me with a thick sheet (nice and warm!) and hooked me up to a machine that took my vitals.  I still wasn't feeling too nervous at that point, and my blood pressure proved it—it was under 115!  Seeing that actually calmed me down more.  The nurse was even impressed.  I take no credit of course for that.  It was all grace.  :)  When she starting setting up to insert the IV,  I warned her that my previous experience with an IV resulted in me fainting.  Maybe she was going to do it anyway, but she gave me an injection of lidocaine to numb up the area first.  Unfortunately, the lidocaine didn't quite go in the right place, so I could feel the IV going in.  She felt really bad and apologized several times, but it turned out fine.  Honestly, the IV was my biggest worry so I was relieved when it was over.  :)

I had a stream of visitors after that—anesthesiologist, nurse anesthetist, other staff members, and finally Dr. C.  I was asked several times to confirm my identity and to list the procedures I was going to have done.  At one point, there was a person on either side of my small bed reading my medical file (which was on my lap) aloud to each other so they were both sure the plan was correct.  :)  Since I "passed" their paperwork inspection, they gave me a blue surgical cap to wear.  Then DH came in for a little while. I'm sure I was quite a sight to behold with all of the cords and things attached to me.  ;)

I remember being rolled into the OR and was surprised that there were so many people in the room...definitely more than you see on tv shows.  hahaha  I didn't really get a chance to look around much before I went to sleep—it happened very quickly.  When I woke up, I was in a small room with the lights dimmed.  DH appeared shortly after that.  I was comfortable and warm and not in pain, but I don't remember much else.  I begged DH for details from his conversation with Dr. C (which happened while I was still sleeping).  He wanted me to relax and not think about the results.  This made me worry that there was bad news...so I was able to pry some info out of him—some endometriosis, open tubes, no polyp.  He started to tell me that the resident was afraid during the surgery so I made him stop talking.  Those details could wait.  ;)

DH helped me get dressed.  Ladies, let me tell you—lounging pants with a flat panel around the waist instead of a drawstring or elastic band are the best!!  At some point the pain set in.  The nurse gave me a pill orally which helped for a while but made me nauseous.  Then a second type of pain started—it felt like really bad menstrual cramps, so she gave me something in my IV.  DH sat on the side of my bed and held my hand for a long time until the pain subsided.  Then the nurse started asking if I had to urinate.  (DH shared with me later that he thought it was a silly question...the nurse had told DH earlier that they had emptied my bladder during surgery with the catheter, and since I hadn't had anything to drink since midnight, DH knew there was no way I would be able to urinate when she asked...)  She gave me a large cup of water to drink.  It's hard to drink let alone chug water when you're slightly nauseous.  Once I finished the cup, she took me to the bathroom down the hall in a wheelchair.  I don't know if she was expecting my kidneys to work instantaneously, but it did seem a little premature to be heading to the bathroom...  ;)  I tried but it didn't work.  So she took me back to the room and did an ultrasound to measure how much was in my bladder. 100 cc is not enough, so she gave me more water to drink and fluids in my IV.  DH amused himself by announcing how much fluid I had received at various intervals.  Trip #2 to the bathroom was unsuccessful.  The nurse seemed to be getting impatient.  If I could have willed myself to go, I would have!  I knew that we could go home as soon as this was accomplished.  Ultrasound #2 showed 200 cc, which was still not enough.  The nurse went on her lunch break so a different nurse took over.  Nurse #2 was less impatient.  Trip #3 was still unsuccessful but only because I could not make my muscles work—I could tell that there was enough urine available but nothing happened.  Doing Kegels didn't help either.  It was a bit scary actually—I thought maybe a nerve or something had been damaged during surgery.  The only specific detail DH had told me about his conversation with Dr. C was that there was "endo on my ureter," and the resident was too scared to remove it because of its location, but Dr. C removed it anyway.  This was going through my mind the whole time...  The nurse suggested that I try walking around, so DH escorted me up and down the hallway.  DH actually offered me his arm and said, "Would you take a turn about the room with me?"  (a reference to Pride and Prejudice, which made me smile)  :)  Finally on trip #4, about four hours from the time I started drinking water, I had success.  It wasn't much as I really couldn't make my muscles work well but it was enough to let us go home.  (It took about a day for those muscles to go back to normal...I wish I had been told that ahead of time...)  I was so relieved.  So was the nurse.

I slept in the car for about an hour.  Then we stopped at a Walm.art along the way to fill my prescriptions.  I thought it would be good for me to be up and walking around, so I went in with DH.  I was doing well for about 15 minutes, but perhaps it was too much activity too soon because I started getting nauseous.  Luckily I made it to the restroom in time.  It would have been rather embarrassing if I hadn't made it.  Afterward I felt much better but retreated to the car to take it easy.

We made it home around dinnertime.  All I could manage to eat was applesauce.  I had been instructed to take the prescription ibuprofen on a schedule for the first 24 hours whether I was in pain or not.  I was surprised that they also gave me oxyco.done...I thought my pre-op instructions said I should just take over the counter ibuprofen as needed.  However, I was very thankful to have it.  I learned quickly that the ibuprofen only relieved the uterus cramping, and that the oxy.codone only relieved the more generalized abdominal pain.  I was able to sleep for a few hours at a time between doses.  I also learned that if I had extra abdominal pain between doses, it meant I had to go to the bathroom.  (I had absolutely no other indication that I needed to urinate—no urgency, nothing.  In fact, I still don't.)

The next morning DH had to go to work, so he set up everything I needed near the bed.  I planned to spend most of the day in bed because the oxy.codone makes me dizzy and nauseous if I walk around much, and I was still pretty exhausted after two nights of little sleep.  Plus getting up from the bed by myself was still difficult and painful.  When both pain medicines kicked in, I was able to take a nap.  When I was awake, the heating pad helped a lot.  DH called during the day to check on me.  By the time he came home, I was feeling so much better.  My appetite was back finally, and I wasn't needing the oxy.codone as much.  I tried to walk (hobble) around as much as I could.

Then after much anticipation, it was time to listen to Dr. C's post-op report that DH had recorded.  Dr. C printed out pictures from the surgery and explained them all.  He didn't mention what stage the endometriosis was, but he found it in 5 spots: above the uterus, near one uterosacral ligament, under an ovary, right over the bowel, and near a ureter.  He was confident that he found and completely excised (cut out, not lasered) all of the endo, even the two spots that the resident was too scared to touch (bowel and ureter).  I appreciate that Dr. C was somewhat fearless in removing the endo.  :)  He said he did check the integrity of the bowel after removing the endo, and it was fine.  He found a small fibroid sticking off of the top of the uterus, but he didn't think it would affect fertility because of its location and small size, so he left it alone.  My tubes were completely open, and the fimbriae looked healthy.  He explained how he leveled off most of septum so it wasn't obstructing the uterus so much; the after picture looked really nice compared to the before picture  The whole surgery was done in under 2 hours.  He said we'll talk about the next steps at my post-op appointment in three weeks.  In the meantime, I am taking Premarin (estrogen) for three weeks (to build up the lining so it doesn't stick together where the septum was removed) followed by Provera (progesterone) for 10 days (to stabilize the lining).  How Dr. C described it:  If the lining of the uterus is like a lawn, estrogen is the fertilizer, and progesterone is the lawn mower.  When I stop the Provera, I'll have a withdrawal bleed and then go back to normal cycles.  I also have a stent (balloon) in my uterus holding it open to prevent adhesions.  It can be removed after three days (by DH or me).  The cord is like a large, plastic tampon string, and I am looking forward to life without it.  :)

I am remembering you all in prayer and offering up my pain for you.  I am trying to be patient during recovery, but it is hard, and I admit I have cried a couple times.  DH has been so supportive and an amazing caregiver, and he has been helping me try to stay positive.  Thank you again for all of your prayers.  They mean so much to me.  :)

Surgery is done!

Well, ladies, I survived.  :)  Thanks for all your prayers!  I appreciated them so much.  I'll write a more detailed account this week, but here's a short summary for those of you dying to know how it went.  I know there has got to be at least one person out there who is as curious about another IF blogger's surgery results as I am...  ;)  Ironically I'm not as impatient with knowing my own results as you will learn shortly.

Dr. C found and removed some endometriosis.  I don't know what stage it was, but there wasn't much.  My tubes were open.  I don't think there was a polyp.  My uterine septum is history.  That is about all I know of the results.  Dr. C spoke with DH before I woke up from anesthesia and recorded the conversation on my cell phone so I can listen to it tomorrow.  Today I just needed to (try to) relax and recover.  My pain is pretty well-controlled by more than one medication.  DH doing a fabulous job taking care of me.  More details to come tomorrow after I am more rested.  :)

Anointing of the Sick

I have wondered for a while if infertility is an acceptable reason to receive the sacrament of Anointing of the Sick.  Somehow it happened that every time the thought crossed my mind, I was nowhere near a computer to look it up.  I knew the sacrament was for the seriously ill, but how serious did the illness have to be?  I have known people to receive the sacrament before having surgery.  DH suggested that we just go to our priest for the answer.  So we did.  After Mass on Sunday, we were sort of able to pull Fr. aside amidst the line of exiting parishioners greeting him on their way out.  I said I was wondering about the Anointing of the Sick.  Fr. looked all worried and asked if I was the one to be (possibly) anointed.  When I nodded, he asked why I was going into the hospital.  (I had not said I was going into the hospital...that was his assumption.)  I said I was having surgery for infertility.  That was all he needed to hear, and he said, "Let's do it right now."  Before I could answer he was halfway to the ushers' room so he could wash his hands.  By the time we reached him, he already had the holy oil.  (He wasn't wasting any time!)  He led us to the back of church.  DH stood next to me as Fr. started to pray over me.  He placed his hands on my head, was silent for a few moments, then continued to pray out loud.  By that point I couldn't hold back the tears anymore--it was so moving.  Then he anointed my forehead and hands.  I felt the most incredible peaceful feeling come over me.  Afterward Fr. promised to pray for us and to ask for the intercession of St. Paul of the Cross, who was known during his lifetime to be a powerful intercessor for couples who could not have children.  (I did not know that.)  Fr. said women would travel long distances to ask him for prayers for this very reason. 

Since the Anointing, I have been feeling a lot less anxiety about the surgery itself.  :)  I can't believe it's less than a week away!

I had my pre-op appointment last week.  Aside from waiting 1.33 hours to be seen, it was uneventful.  A doctor I had never met before reviewed the consent form with me and answered my questions.  I asked if they found too much endo, would they turn the surgery into a laparotomy (bigger incision, much looonger recovery time) to clean out all the endo (no).  I learned that they are doing something called chromotubation instead of the HSG.  The concept is the same—squirt liquid in the uterus and see if it spills out the tubes—but instead of viewing the results on a screen like they do with the HSG, they watch live during surgery.  She said if no liquid spills out, it's not a conclusive test, so then I might still need an actual HSG.  Let's hope that is not the case... 

Then a nursing assistant gave me the instructions on how to prepare for surgery.  No bowel prep.  Nice.  :)  I just have to wash with antibacterial soap the night before and morning of the surgery and not eat or drink anything after midnight.  The not eating part won't be a problem, especially if the surgery is in the morning, but the not drinking part will be harder.  My water bottle and I are attached at the hip.  ;)  Given the long drive to the hospital, I told DH he has to hide my water bottle so I don't accidentally drink some.  There's a big note at the bottom of my surgery prep sheet that says your surgery will be canceled if you break this rule. 

After receiving my pre-op instructions, they sent me to the lab for bloodwork.  I had to laugh...one of the tests ordered was the HCG/pregnancy test.  I should have e-mailed my doctor ahead of time to cancel that, although I suppose it might be a routine test for all patients.  With the timing of this past cycle, we decided to avoid pregnancy (and we ended up not using any days pre-peak), so any conception would have been of the immaculate variety.  ;)  This was my first ever pregnancy test of ANY kind...and it was during a cycle when it was impossible that we conceived.  And as it turned out, they e-mailed me the results on Valentine's Day.  Good thing I already knew what the results would be...  ;)

Can you put infertility on your resume?

Sometimes I feel like trying to find the cause of our infertility amounts to a part-time job...without a paycheck, of course.  ;)  I wonder if it could be used as an example during a job interview, say, as the answer to the question, "Describe your organizational skills."  I remember being asked that question during my last job interview...  You would think that the tasks we do routinely—calling the pharmacy to refill prescriptions, picking up prescriptions or arranging their shipment so they arrive in time for the appropriate cycle day, finding a lab who will work with us, coordinating with the doctor's office to have the latest order faxed to that lab, scheduling appointments and lab draws around my work schedule, calling the insurance company to confirm coverage, staying on top of medical bills—should count for something, right?  You could imagine what a description for a resume might look like...coordinated logistics, managed inventory, liaised with health care professionals... Maybe someone who's more creative than me could write up a pretend resume entry.  ;)

This week my assignment was to prepare for a SFA.  This will be our first one.  I knew it would have to be done at some point, but I'm still not really looking forward to it.  I am a bit surprised it wasn't suggested sooner; however, my chart had definite issues that would have been addressed regardless.  Technically, my non-NaPro ob/gyn did mention SFA back when we had only been TTC for 8 months or so (but it was too soon to order it at that point, in his opinion).  He knew we were Catholic, so we had this little discussion about our theoretical infertility testing:

Doc: One of the first things I would want to do is get a SFA.  Would that be a problem?
Me:  No, of course not.  I'll just order a kit.  [to collect SF in a licit manner]
Doc:  Hmmm.  I thought you'd say that.  The lab here really doesn't like it when samples are obtained that way.  *sigh*  But it's going to have to do.  Okay, that's what we'll do.

Anyway...so this week I called the PPVI Institute to order the SF collection kit.  (Side note:  Anyone can order one from the Institute; you don't have to be a patient of theirs, and you don't need your doctor to send them anything.)  Next I had to find a local lab that would do the analysis.  I figured it would be easy, right?  I just needed to confirm the location of where to drop off the sample and when they open in the morning, and we'd be all set.  Well, not exactly.  I started by calling the hospital lab number.  The woman was nice and said they don't handle SFA there, but she would transfer me to woman #2 in the hospital who could help me.  Here's the conversation with woman #2:

Me:  Hi, my husband needs to have a se.minal fluid analysis done.  Are you the person to speak with about that?
Her:  You need an analysis...of what?
Me:  sem..in..al flu..id (spoken slowly and enunciated as clearly as I could)
Her:  Ummm.  I'm sorry.  I don't know what that is.
(*short pause*)
I was about ready to say, "Well, it's the fluid produced when..."
Her:  Just one moment, please.

She put me on hold and returned about a minute later.  Thank goodness someone in her office knew what SF was so I didn't have to explain it.  :)

Her:  You're going to have to call clinic XYZ about that.  We don't handle it here at the hospital.
Me:  Do you have that clinic's number?
Her:  No, sorry.

I pulled out the phone book and called clinic XYZ.  I explained that we would be bringing the sample into the clinic, which the receptionist seemed to understand.  She said it had to arrive within 30-45 minutes.  (I had heard less time than that so we'll try to err on the shorter end of that range.)  Okay, no problem, I thought—just tell me where to drop it off and your hours...  Not so fast.  She said DH needs an appointment with the nurse who will talk to him and then send the sample to the lab.  Those appointments are only available two days a week.  So now instead of just hurrying to get the sample to the clinic within about 30 minutes of its collection, we will have to time things (aka "sample collection") more precisely so we arrive at the clinic at an appointed time, which also happens to be within the appropriate window of time so the sample is still usable.  Do you see the (small?) dilemma here?  This seems like a lot of pressure on DH.  He handled the news about these new logistics remarkably well, given the extra constraints.  I didn't make the appointment yet.  I think it will probably be after my surgery so we can do it post-peak, which is my preference.

Speaking of my surgery...I didn't know what needs to be done ahead of time in terms of informing my insurance company about it, so I called the hospital where the surgery will take place.  They said my doctor's office should have already sent the surgery info to my insurance company, but I should call them to confirm that.  So I did.  They had no knowledge of the upcoming surgery but they said because it's an outpatient procedure, a pre-authorization isn't required.  To any of you who have had a laparoscopy before, does this sound right?  My pre-op appointment is next week, so I'll ask again then.