Surviving Sunday

Like most IFers, Mother's Day is not something I look forward to. I feel like I skated through Sunday pretty easily without too many bumps or bruises. I was not really dreading what might happen at Mass because for the past two years the pastor only mentioned the holiday at the very end of Mass, and all he said was, "Happy Mother's Day." No blessing of mothers. No going on and on about mothers. No flowers for mothers after Mass. Nothing that would make my already fragile emotional state crumble to pieces. I assumed this year would be no different, so I was fairly relaxed.

When DH and I were entering the church, I saw that our other parish priest was going to be presiding. I briefly panicked. I didn't know how he would handle things. I prayed that there wouldn't be a blessing. After greeting everyone, the priest brought up Mother's Day, and I tensed up. He mentioned what a wonderful thing mothers are (small knife in my wounded heart), that we should be thankful for our mothers (yes, definitely), that this day might be hard for those whose mothers have died (impressed that he pointed out it's not a happy day for everyone), and that we should remember and pray for deceased mothers (of course). Then he said we should look to our spiritual mother Mary (good, keep talking about her!). I did find it a bit curious that he only mentioned pain on Mother's Day if your own mother had died. His mother was deceased, so I'm guessing that was part of the motivation. Also, everyone has a mother, so maybe he thought everyone could relate. I'm not sure where having a difficult or estranged relationship with your mother would fit in his categories. But if he was going to acknowledge pain on Mother's Day, I'm a little surprised he didn't also mention mothers who lost children (whether before or after birth). I wasn't expecting him to mention infertility, but I would have thought he would realize women would be hurting on Mother's Day if they had a child who died. I wanted their pain to be publicly acknowledged, but it didn't happen, so I did it silently in my heart.

There was no blessing at the end of Mass (thank you, God) but there was more warm, fuzzy mother talk. I tried to think of my own mom and how thankful I am for her. If I hadn't done that, I probably would have been in tears over our IF.

After Mass, we said hello to the priest as we were leaving like always. I extended my hand to shake his, and he grabbed it with both of his hands and said, "Have a blessed day." He held it for longer than a normal handshake and seemed to stare intently at me. It felt like he was staring into my soul. He doesn't really know DH and I that well beyond our names, but his look and gesture struck me as if he knew we were IF and that Mother's Day was especially difficult for me. (I wasn't crying in the pew during Mass, so he didn't have that to clue him in.) It's possible that the pastor told him we were IF, or he might have guessed it after seeing us around for several years with no children in tow. Either way, I was touched by his small kindness. (pun not intended...but it is a little funny, right?) As we headed for the door, I heard him say, "Happy Mother's Day" to the family behind us. Then I appreciated the words he said to me even more.

The rest of the day I relaxed doing things I enjoy, including a little retail therapy. :) I was in pretty good spirits the remainder of the afternoon, so I thought. Then out of the blue I started thinking about how much I desired motherhood, and I could not stop the tears. I maybe had been in a little denial about how much I was hurting inside in an attempt to just make it through Mother's Day. On the day when the whole country focuses on mothers, I wanted to push those thoughts as far from my head as possible. (They could resume on Monday, if necessary.) I called my mom in the evening. Talking to her was a nice distraction from my sadness.

So that was my Mother's Day...how was yours?