Confessions of an IF girl

Most of these topics are seemingly taboo on an IF blog and for good reason, I suppose. An IF girl can still dream though...

1. I own a glider (chair) and matching ottoman that are obviously designed for a nursery. They are white with pastel cushions. I obtained them for free; I don't remember if we knew we were IF at that point. I have plans to recover the cushions with a non-nursery-inspired material which would be suitable for the living room. Luckily they fit in the closet which is where they sit at present hidden under a stack of boxes.

2. I own maternity clothes, some of which were purchased after our IF diagnosis... I think my current collection includes: two pair of pants, a pair of sweatpants, a skirt, at least four shirts, and a spring coat. (Technically I am keeping an old winter coat that is too big for me now—for the singular purpose of using it during a winter pregnancy.) The pants I bought on super clearance before we even started TTC after a pregnant friend complained to me how expensive maternity pants are. At that time we were planning to start TTC soon (after my regular ob/gyn finished running some tests related to my unusual bleeding...wow, that was a long time ago). Then the unexpected happened which delayed our TTC plans quite a while. I knew circumstances could change quickly so whenever I went shopping I kept an eye out for non-maternity clothes that could be also worn during part of pregnancy (extra long or roomy in the front). I still do that. My only rule is that it has to look good on me now (and not just if I had a large belly). I may actually wear one or two maternity shirts as part of my normal wardrobe. Might as well make use of them, right? :) The maternity spring coat I wear all the time. I bought it because it's cute. And because I could wear it should I miraculously become pregnant...let's not kid ourselves here. You'd never guess it was maternity. I get compliments on it occasionally so I don't think anyone can tell. I really should cover up the label inside the collar though... One of these days I'm going to visit a friend who takes my coat to hang it up, sees the label, and asks me about it. :P

3. I am still not comfortable giving myself the HCG shots, even though I've been self-administering them for the past 9 cycles. I sit there—for a long time—with the filled syringe in hand and chicken out while attempting to stick it in my thigh. I am lucky the medicine doesn't completely go bad (while at room temperature) in the time it takes me to actually inject it. Thankfully my P+7 blood work has shown that the HCG is helping, so at least the P+5 shot is going well.

4. I have planned out exactly how I would tell DH if we became pregnant. I had the idea before we were IF but I didn't buy the required item for the announcement until after we were IF. It's hidden in a secret spot with the maternity pants and some rubber duckies we received as a wedding present.

5. As long as I'm not within about 5 days of CD1, I (usually) like looking at pictures other people's kids and babies. I recently stalked two friends' Facebook pages to see if they had given birth yet. Being bombarded with Christmas letters and pictures of babies in December was an exception—that was too much. I had DH prescreen them for me and remove all the pictures. I looked at the pictures when I could handle it (and one at a time). I really appreciated those that had a separate card. If we ever have kids, I hope I remember never to do the photocards. Sending a photo inside of a regular Christmas card is a better alternative, in my opinion.

6. DH and I sometimes talk about baby names. I started "the list" with my favorite names before I met DH. (Don't all single girls discuss this with their other single girlfriends and update each other when preferences change?) Of course once DH entered the scene I let him add his preferences. (awfully nice of me, huh?) I'm currently trying to convince let DH get used to my top boy name, which didn't get added to the list until recently. He's a choleric so these things take time. Maybe by the time we'd have the chance to use it DH would like it... Boys names are hard for me. I have a long list of girl names ready to go (all of which I love) but only one or two boy names, and I only like the boy names so-so.

7. DH has (not often but at least twice) looked at my stomach during the late post-peak phase and addressed the nonexistent-but-hoped-for baby by name. He uses two of my favorite girl names. He is eternally optimistic about a future pregnancy. I'm glad at least one of us is. If only his attitude might rub off on me a little... :)

I don't always live in dreamland but it's nice to visit every once in a while. :)

I'm not the only one who will admit to these things, right?