If you test, she will come

I had heard of this phenomenon that if you (an IFer) take a home pregnancy test (HPT), AF will arrive shortly after.  I can say now that it happened to me.

I took my first ever HPT a cycle ago.  In over five years of TTC, I had never made it long enough to test.  I broke my rule of waiting until P+17 this time because it was a crazy cycle, and I needed to rule out things. I was pretty sick during the "fertile" time of the cycle and had pathetic mucus, so all signs pointed toward a double peak (assuming ovulation had not actually happened yet).  I've been charting for a looooong time and have never double peaked even amid significant stress, but there's a first time for everything.  :)  So I waited for the second mucus build up to start and did not take my HCG, which I normally take after peak day.

Ten days after the first peak, I had good mucus for two days.  I thought it was my second peak. That was followed by spotting...which didn't make any sense.  Another interpretation could have been that I did ovulate during the first peak, and this second patch of mucus was implantation mucus.  We had used P+2, so it was a possibility.  When the spotting continued for the third day, I was scratching my head.  I needed to rule out something.  Anything.  Taking my temperature wouldn't have helped at that point because I was post-peak regardless (either P+3 or P+14).  So I did the only other thing that I could think of that might shed some light on things—take a HPT.  DH came along to the store for moral support.  I found one of the $0.88 ones that I had heard about from NFP circles.

The before picture.  Prior to opening the box, I didn't even know
what the test would look like.  This was foreign territory.

I read the directions about twenty times because I didn't want to mess it up.  I was nervous, even though I was 99% sure it would be negative.  It was.

My first ever real BFN.

AF started the next day.  What a messed up cycle.  Dr. K thought the two days of good mucus post-peak was just premenstrual mucus/fluid that some women have.  I didn't know you could all of a sudden develop premenstrual mucus, but I guess you can...?

In that same cycle review, I mentioned that I have pain again during my period.  Boo.  :(  I've had a couple cycles lately with premenstrual spotting (three or more days of spotting before AF), and Dr. K had thought that was due to inflammation because my hormone levels were above normal. Does pain + inflammation = endo??

Well, we're going to find out.  In a week.  It all came together really quickly.

Next Friday, I'm having a laparoscopy with Dr. E, who did my last surgery 21 months ago.  Surgery #3.  Honestly, I hope it IS endo and that it can be cleaned out with just a regular laparoscopy.  Last time Dr. E had the option to switch to the robot during my surgery if she needed it (and she did). This time there will be no switching, so if there is too much endo or it's too hard to reach, I'll need a second bigger surgery with the robot (and a two week recovery).  If this is endo again, I must have some crazy aggressive form that it keeps coming back.  :(

I really don't expect this surgery to help us get pregnant.  DH is more optimistic.  I feel like we're fighting an uphill, losing battle against endo and infection/inflammation.  It seems like we can never fix both at the same time. The infection/inflammation had been taken care of for several months, but who knows if I had endo sneakily growing back during that time.  And now if we remove the endo again, I don't know that the antibiotic that used to work will still be strong enough to beat the TEBB.  Dr. E will be doing cultures of my uterus during my surgery, so we'll see what the bug status is in there.  I hope I haven't picked up any new bacteria like last time I was cultured.  :(

I'm disappointed to be having surgery again.  Being pain-free would be really nice.  Maybe the third time's the charm and this will keep the endo away longer?  A girl can dream...  :)

Tomorrow I'm headed to the IF retreat Rebecca is running this weekend, so hopefully that will take my mind off of surgery.  I'm looking forward to some IRL conversations with other IFers.  :)