What's new

1.  Remember last cycle when I had a crazy high progesterone level on P+7?  I asked Dr. K what might cause that.  She said it was so high because I was taking an antibiotic and it cleared up the TEBB in that cycle.  Interesting.  (So my speculation about possible pregnancy was not the answer.)  I didn't realize the infection was affecting either the quality of my egg or the ability of my body to produce progesterone.  This infection has got to go.  Seriously.

2.  Since the last set of antibiotics eliminated my TEBB for a cycle, we're going to be taking them at the beginning of each new cycle from CD1 to CD10.  I hope they work.  I try not to think about what happens if they don't work.  I have this sinking feeling that we're getting close to the end of our treatment options.

3.  I had my worst mucus ever this cycle--just two days of peak-type mucus, and neither day was really that good.  I've been on low-dose Clomid for a while, and it's never affected my mucus this much.  It might have been my fault though.  I did accidentally forget to take the first dose on CD3, so I started on CD4, thinking it wouldn't make much difference if I was off by day.  Between that and the TEBB returning, I've never been more excited to start over with a brand new cycle.

4.  DH is back to giving me the HCG shots.  I had been self-administering them for a long time (2+ years), ever since DH was out of town during one post-peak phase.  I never became comfortable with doing them.  I would usually sit on the couch holding the filled syringe and make many (fake) attempts before I could actually bring myself to do the injection.  I think over time, it took me longer and longer to actually do the injection after filling the syringe.  One day this summer I had to do the injection before leaving for the airport.  I had a half hour before our ride was coming, and I just couldn't do the injection.  Our ride arrived, and I still hadn't done it.  Somehow I did manage to do it under the pressure of "We have to go now," but something about that situation stayed with me.  The next cycle, I sat there for a long time holding the syringe, and I just couldn't do it, so I asked DH if he would help.  It was such a relief when DH did the injection.  I didn't care that it hurt.  (If you do it right, it doesn't hurt.)  He has done all the injections since then.  I still prefer the physical pain over the anxiety from self-administering them.

5.  We have a new neighbor living upstairs.  Her parents have lived above us for a while, but she was just born a few weeks ago.  It hasn't been as difficult as I thought it would be.  Maybe you should ask me how I feel when AF arrives...  I've only heard her cry while I've been awake.  (DH said he has been woken up a couple times by her crying though.)  I see her almost daily because she is carried right in front of our living room window on the way to their car or if they go for a walk.  I think my brain goes into self-preservation mode whenever I see or hear her.  Instead of thinking, "Oh, there's the neighbor baby.  I wish I had a baby," my thought just stops after the matter-of-fact "Oh, there's the neighbor baby."

6.  I don't really daydream much about what it would be like to have our own baby.  The one big exception to that is when fall arrives.  Years ago friends of mine took the cutest pictures of their baby in the middle of a pumpkin patch.  Ever since then I have looked forward to the day when I can take our own baby to a pumpkin patch.  DH and I weren't planning to visit the local farm to buy a pumpkin this year like we did last year, so I thought I would be spared the reminder that we're still waiting on that dream.  Then yesterday a friend posted a picture of her baby next to some pumpkins.  I didn't cry, but it's just one of those little things that pierce my heart.